4 Secret Ways To Keep Your Relationship Extremely Spicy

Every relationship has trials. It's how you deal with them that makes the difference.

couple kissing Kateryna Onyshchuk / Shutterstock

Many people believe that as their relationship goes along over time, they'll be disappointed somehow — or things will get plain boring. It feels inevitable, so we think we might as well just accept it.

Wrong. All of these things will happen, but there are things you need to understand: your attitude, expectations, and habitual ways of speaking and being with your partner have a huge impact on whether passion and spark will last in your relationship.


If you just try, the passion and pleasure you share with your partner can continue to grow and thrive. If you stay tuned in to what both you and your partner want, you're going to be happier and feel more fulfilled more of the time.

RELATED: How To Keep A Relationship Exciting (Even If You've Been Together Forever)


In a recent study, psychologists asked long-term relationship couples questions to gauge how sexually satisfied they are and what things they need to do to keep the passion alive.

Couples who were sexually satisfied reported that they had sex frequently and that there was an overall feeling of emotional closeness in the relationship.

When you stay open and responsive to what you want and what your partner wants, sexual satisfaction is more likely to be high — and remain that way.

The good news is that there's a lot you can do to create more sexual and emotional fulfillment in your relationship.

Here are 4 ways to keep love and passion going.

1. Remove obstacles that block passion.

To bring in more of anything that you do want, you've got to clear the way.


It is usually the case that a lack of relationship intimacy and passion indicates the presence of an obstacle. This obstacle could be pent-up resentment, old emotional wounds that need to be healed, or baggage from past painful relationships.

To find your obstacles to passion, look first at your own thoughts and actions. You have the power to change you! Recognize what is active within you that is standing in the way of relationship satisfaction.

Remember, the obstacles you find may not directly relate to sex, but if they cause you to hold back or close down to your partner, they're standing in the way.

RELATED: The Shockingly Silly Thing That Will Save Your Relationship


2. Make pleasure a priority.

So many of us are perpetually busy and exhausted. When we have downtime, the temptation is to "veg out" online or by watching tv. Re-discover what real pleasure is for you and then make it a priority.

It only takes a few moments to focus your attention on how a particular activity feels to you and to find out what feels good (and what feels really good)!

3. Know what you like.

As you go on a pleasure hunt, remind yourself that it's okay to be self-centered enough to know what you like. When you share that information with your partner, this will deepen your relationship and increase satisfaction.

When you listen to and try out what your partner really likes, that ramps up your passion even more!


4. Just keep it fresh.

And that's really what keeping it fresh is all about. You don't have to replicate sexual positions that you read about in a book or magazine and you don't have to role-play.

Keeping it fresh is all about staying open to new experiences and to viewing intimacy and your relationship itself as an adventure to savor.

RELATED: 31 Fun Things To Do As A Couple When You're Bored


Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in their clients' lives and relationships.