The Unusual Secret To A Healthy Marriage

Here's how to relax and help your relationships.

By Amanda Chatel — Last updated on Nov 13, 2023

Photo: Pressmaster | Canva

Man and woman laying down relaxing together

In some breaking scientific news that's about to up your marijuana consumption even more (because you totally needed another reason, right?), scientists have found that the way to keep your relationship copacetic and without any violence, verbal or otherwise, is to roll a joint and smoke up.

OK, so the scientists didn't say specifically to "roll a joint," per se, I mean, there are other ways to smoke pot, so whatever way fits you best, go for it and let the bliss of love, happiness, and THC float over you. It’s good for harmony in your relationship.

The secret to a healthy marriage: Peace, love, and pot.

The study, by researchers at the University of Buffalo, looked at 634 couples over nine years of marriage and their aggression levels during drug and alcohol use. What they found was that "marijuana may increase positive affect, which in turn could reduce the likelihood of conflict and aggression."

I feel like this is a, "Well, duh," moment, but scientists are just late to the party, so who am I to pass judgment? I was a straight C-student in all my science courses. However, let's be honest, is anyone even remotely surprised? Have you ever met an aggressive stoner in your whole life? They just want to watch bad TV and eat brownies. It’s basically the best way to spend a Sunday night.

But why is this case? All this marijuana-induced harmony? Well, if you've ever smoked weed, you know why this is the case. Being stoned is a far cry from the violent meth heads you read about who go nuts when cops storm their meth lab.

They’re also not even remotely close to the man or woman who turns into the ever-popular "angry drunk," who flips tables and demands another round despite not being able to stand. But there’s also the fact that marijuana stunts emotional reaction: "Chronic [marijuana] users exhibit blunted emotional reaction to threat stimuli, which may also decrease the likelihood of aggressive behavior."

It's kinda hard to get really angry and want to throw a punch at the wall when you're like, "Wait. What? Why am I angry again?" It just doesn't work.

As the country works towards the decriminalization of marijuana, legislators may want to seriously consider these findings. In the U.S., 1.3 million women are physically abused by their partner every year, most of whom are never reported to the police for fear of not being believed or embarrassed. I'm not saying the legalization of pot is going to put an end to violence against women, but I am suggesting that if everyone smoked a bowl from time to time, the world just might be a more relaxed and cordial place.

With science that proves that volatile relationships can actually benefit from pot consumption, I'd say lighting up to calm your nerves after an argument with your partner is the best way to make amends. You avoid violent actions, and unnecessary aggression, and get to bond over your favorite bad TV show while eating a bag of Doritos. That can't possibly be bad for any relationship.