If You Recognize These 5 Signs In A Person, They’re Not Serious About You (No Matter What They Say)
They just want something casual, even if they try to convince you otherwise.
Manny Moreno | Unsplash Spotting a serial dater, or serial monogamist, is hard — especially when you’re the one who’s the culprit. Online dating has largely made hookup culture the norm, making meeting a serial dater more likely — or maybe even turning you into one as well.
The longer you're active on dating apps, the less likely you are to text back and let men pursue you because hovering over your phone or waiting with anticipation for a guy you hardly know can be emotionally draining. Or, you might not take dating as seriously, knowing that the next relationship is only one swipe away.
If you tend to get too excited about a guy you just met and then, after a couple of days, it doesn’t work out, and you move on to the next right away, that could be an issue for you. Recognizing these signs of someone who's not serious can save you time and heartache, and help you hold out for someone who actually means what they say.
If you recognize these 5 signs, they’re not serious about you (no matter what they say):
1. They are afraid of rejection
Most of the time, if you are dating a serial dater, their number one goal is the chase. Most of the time, they are afraid of being rejected because they want to be the first to end things. The breakups are actually enjoyable for them because they can reject you before you can reject them. After all, they are insecure, but blow it off like it was nothing.
To avoid the pain of rejection, a person might emotionally distance themselves, withdraw from physical contact, or avoid sharing feelings. One study explained that this behavior is often a reflection of the individual's internal struggle with their own fear and anxiety, rather than a lack of seriousness about the relationship itself.
2. They get bored easily
Rachata Teyparsit / Shutterstock
A serial dater always wants an adventure, which often wanes with time in long-term relationships. They really do love the chase, like an obsession of some sort — but they can’t really commit.
If someone is easily bored in a relationship, it suggests they are not finding the connection or activity meaningful or engaging. Research suggests that boredom is a significant factor in ghosting, where someone suddenly ends communication without explanation.
3. Their behavior is very casual
A serial dater is known to be casual because they don’t want to rush into things. They know they won’t have a full-fledged out relationship with you and therefore won’t spend a lot of time getting to know you. The one thing they want to do most is get physical with you.
A casual attitude can stem from a person's own desires or fears around commitment, leading them to avoid taking steps that would signify a serious relationship. When novelty becomes the default, it can hinder emotional development and depth, replacing discomfort with distraction, one study found.
4. There’s a ton of physical intimacy early on
Serial daters are addicted to the early romance in dating and therefore the physical intimacy because they like sweeping you off your feet. They want you to feel like you’re the only one they’re seeing.
However, that might not be the case. They typically see other people on the back burner because they see so many options and people on dating apps, and they know there will always be someone new.
5. They always initiate the breakup
fizkes / Shutterstock
If you get to talking about past relationships on a date, and you find out they have left all their past relationships because it “just didn’t work out,” that's a red flag. This could mean that they have a long relationship history with several short relationships.
It’s normal after a breakup or a long period of being single to get back into the game and date around. However, if you are looking for a strong relationship, know how to spot the signs of a serial dater.
If you are a serial dater yourself and you see nothing wrong with that, it’s fine; however, if you truly want to settle down, then it’s time to change your habits.
Try to give a person more of a chance and not rush into things fast because that just leads to a more casual relationship, which you don’t want. However, make sure not to wait too long as well. If you waste time, maybe over a month to see if any progress has happened, then that’s too long.
Try and limit yourself and start slowly, know yourself and what you want, and then your dating life will become more stimulating because you’re dating fewer people, and getting to put a name to a face.
Megan Hatch is a writer at YourTango who covers news and entertainment, love and relationships, and internet culture.
