5 Rare Personality Traits Found In Couples With Healthiest Relationships

Photo: Ave Calvar | Unsplash
Same sex couple in a loving relationship

Sustaining true love in a relationship is no easy feat.

There are a lot of illusions about what connecting and relating to another person is supposed to look like in healthy relationships, which is why many people overlook the essential personality traits needed to sustain lasting love.

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Here's why these 5 personality traits are essential for sustaining true love in healthy relationships:

1. Being attentive to others

You can meet someone and desire a connection. So you start by giving that person a lot of attention. This could be meetings, phone calls, text messages, emails, one-on-one time, etc.

Then, as commitment or marriage follows, there is a sense of taking that person for granted, and the attention begins to wane. You "have them", and the demands of life take over.

The problem is you don’t “have them” because attention is one of the elements needed to keep a relationship healthy and alive. With a friend, you might have certain rituals that hold. You talk to them every day. You have lunch or dinner weekly; you use them as a sounding board.

Consider what kind and how much attention or ritual you give to your loved ones. Do you have dinner together daily or a weekly date night?

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2. Accepting people as they are

Do you accept these people as they truly are? Often, with our friends, we are more accepting. It is as crucial to provide the same level of acceptance to your spouse, children, and everyone.

We are all hanging out on Earth to learn vital lessons. Often, these lessons don’t come easy. This is true for everyone. There aren’t any perfect people running around just folks doing their best. Be careful you don’t have rules for people, and they are expected to live by them. Folks need to make up their own rules.

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3. Demonstrating appreciation

Make a point to show appreciation — a note, a phone call, remember significant occasions, say thank you. Tell the people in your life why you are happy they are there. Be demonstrative.

woman grateiful for everything

Photo via Getty

4. Being affectionate

Affection is something you do. It may be a pat on the back or a smile. It could be a hug or making out. Affection is easily demonstrated.

Taking an interest in something crucial to the other person is a form of affection. We all need it and want it. So give it.

5. Allowing people to be themselves

Allowing is about accepting the person and their values and allowing them to be exactly who they are. If they like to play basketball one night a week, you get out of the way and let that happen. You may not like basketball, but they do. So be it.

If something is important to your spouse or friend, they will do it. If they don’t, they will become resentful. The question is, does this activity make them better or worse? Allowing nights out with their friends or going to a restaurant that is not your first choice is okay.

There is no loss in allowing, only benefits.



We do not live in a Cinderella/Prince Charming world.

This is not reality. These fairy tales have played havoc with your view of real-life connection and commitment because they are not real, yet often, people want to use them as templates for their flesh-and-blood relationships.

However, the way people treat their love relationships as opposed to how they treat their friends is very different. This is unfortunate because we often give our friends a wide berth and show them our most desirable personality traits while holding our loved ones to tight — sometimes unrealistic — expectations, not giving our best selves to our partners.

However, to quote Dr. Richio in his book, How to be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, “Love is not so much a feeling, as a way of being present.”

This one statement eliminates a lot of complications about what true love is and what traits it takes to maintain healthy, romantic relationships and help them flourish.

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Jean Walters is an international best-selling author and transformational coach with expertise in personal and spiritual empowerment. Her work has been featured in the St. Louis Suburban Journals, The Fax Daily, St. Louis Globe-Democrat Newspaper, St. Louis Home Magazine, and elsewhere.