Why You Need To Raise Your Vibration To Attract The One Who's Actually Good For You

You need more than just someone, you need the right one for you.

Last updated on Mar 15, 2024

vibrational woman, attracting happiness Brooke cagle | Unsplash

When I was single, I spent much of my time waiting for that elusive knight in shining armor to swoop in and rescue me from my life. I had no idea how to attract that person and hoped he would fall into my lap. It wasn’t until I stopped waiting and worked on making myself happy that I figured out how to find true love and manifest the relationship of my dreams.

Finding true love is not usually something that "happens" to you one day. Neither is it something out of your control. On the contrary, learning how to find true love and happiness in relationships is something you can work on strategically.


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Here's how to raise your vibration to attract the right partner.

Author Deepak Chopra, in an article in the Huffington Post, talks about this principle and explains, “Like attracts like, and the more you live your ideal of love, the more your light will draw another light to you.“

1. Your emotions indicate your vibrational pitch.

When you feel happy, successful, and loved, you emit a very different energy frequency than when you feel sad, frustrated, or angry. This difference is apparent to others. It creates a state in which you invite or block positive people from your life. Blockages can be the result of momentary stresses. However, if your conversations are more about the problems with men than your gratitude for having a loving and helpful partner, your vibrations may not be what you think.


Generally, few people ask themselves very often whether they feel "good." To change, consciously take a few moments throughout the day to check in with yourself. Ask, “How am I feeling at this very moment?” It’s easy to remember the crises and conflicts during the day. Yet, the reality is for most people, much more of your day is filled with pleasant moments than unpleasant ones.

Note those and revel in the good feeling that comes with some intentional appreciation. If remembering this proves difficult, set the alarm on your phone to remind yourself during the day. It only takes a moment. Events will come and demand our attention, while feeling good sometimes requires us to have intention.

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2. Your vibrational frequency will attract others who feel good as well.

To shift your vibration, start by taking stock of the people who surround you. Several prominent inspirational speakers, including John Rohn, have said, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."

I tend to agree. For years, people who were unhappy with their lives surrounded me. Once I became aware of how I felt around them, I started to look for people with more enthusiasm for their lives. As a result, I rarely find myself entrenched in depressing conversations but rather feel uplifted by the people around me.

3. Ask yourself who your five people are and examine how you feel about them.

Do they support you? Do they inspire you to stretch, learn, and laugh? Or do they deplete your energy each time you see them? If you have friends who leave you depleted, limit your time with them.

You can do this in subtle ways. You can not be as available. If you do connect with them, be sure you plan for short encounters. You don’t have to cut them out completely, but you can schedule one-hour coffee meetings versus planning to spend an entire day together. If close family members leave you depleted, become proactive about changing the conversations you're having. Share good details of your life and avoid topics that don’t make you feel good.




4. Plan more activities with the friends that do uplift you.

You don’t have to wait for them to reach out to you. You can be proactive about reaching out to them and schedule activities together. If, when you take stock of your close circle, you notice that you don’t have many people who uplift you, start looking for new ones. Pick one or two topics that fulfill you, and search Meetup for gatherings of like-minded people.

Search out resources your town or city may offer that could connect you with new people. Attracting the sort of mate who wants to join you in an energizing and fulfilling relationship requires you to create your fulfillment and the vibrational energy that goes with it first.

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5. Get comfortable asking yourself, “Am I happy at this instant?”

Make it a routine practice to remind yourself your life is pretty good. Re-connect with the activities that make you feel good. One that always makes me feel good is hiking. I may be grumpy when I start, especially if I'm holding on to something from my day that went wrong. However, once I get into nature and feel surrounded by all its beauty, everything else falls away, and I feel wonderful.

I also started going to yoga because I loved how it made me feel. And once I started dating again, I connected with a man whose profile said he loved yoga. This man is my husband today. We had figured out how to find true love because we were each taking care of our own needs first and pursuing the things we love. And vibrating from positivity, we were able to attract each other.

woman with scarf

Photo: ESB Professional via Shutterstock


I keep a happiness list on my phone. It lists activities that make me feel good. When I am in a funk, I scan the list and pick one of the activities. I then engage in it until I feel better. That way, I can ensure that I can lift myself out of a funk fairly easily without relying on anyone else’s help.

Figuring out how to find true love doesn’t require sweat and tears, it requires you to take care of your happiness. When you fill your day with activities you love and people who uplift you, you emanate joy and fulfillment. The right partner will feel attracted to you and will want to join you in this life you’ve created for yourself.

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Selina Schuh is an educator, author, speaker, and owner of Empowered Living Strategies. She teaches women who are feeling frustrated and under-appreciated in their relationships step-by-step skills to create deeply connected relationships.