11 PhD-Backed Phrases To Say When You Want To 'Show Up' For The Person You Love
We don't always have to offer a finite solution to make someone feel better.
Josh Willink / Pexels Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick is a therapist and an expert on relationships and intimacy. She offers her followers guidance on ways to stay connected within relationships, in both a physical and emotional sense.
Fedrick recognizes that various touch points exist to help people feel safe in their partnerships, including validating how someone is feeling without trying to immediately fix what’s wrong.
Here are 11 Ph.D.-backed phrases you can say to ‘show up’ for the person you love:
1. 'I know that wasn't easy to talk about. Thank you for sharing.'
One of Federick’s relationship tips is to “Learn to be there ‘with’ them versus ‘for’ them." Sitting with someone while they express their experience is a powerful way to show just how much you love them, as your presence holds space for them to be their fullest selves.
By acknowledging that opening up is a vulnerable act and thanking them for sharing, you’re strengthening the bond between the two of you.
2. 'That sounds so rough. How can I best show up for you?'
Federick also notes the importance of sitting with a partner in their pain or discomfort instead of trying to fix it or offer a solution to what they’re going through.
Photo: Anna Shvets / Pexels
By validating that their experience is difficult, you offer them a true gift: The gift of being heard. Often, that’s what people are seeking when they say that something’s wrong.
If you want to take your support a step further, asking what kind of support you can provide is a powerful way to let them steer the ship, while also letting them know you’re there to help.
3. 'I'm happy to sit with you. You don't have to be alone in this.'
Let your person know that you’re with them, no matter what, and that they’re not alone.
So often, we hold back from asking for help because we don’t want to be a burden on people. Yet the reality is that everyone needs support. Everyone needs to know that they’re not alone, especially when faced with troubled times.
4. 'How can I help you feel safe right now?'
Asking your person how you can show up is a very valuable way to, well... show up. Maybe they know exactly what they need, but they feel nervous to ask for it.
When you ask how you can help create an environment where they feel protected, you’re taking the first step to helping them feel better.
5. 'We don't have to talk unless you want to. I'm right here either way.'
Sometimes, validating someone doesn’t even require talking. Offering validation during a difficult time means letting your person know that they have you and that they’re not alone.
By giving someone your quiet, steadfast presence, you’re letting them feel your love in action.
6. 'It makes a lot of sense why you're feeling that way.'
This phrase is one of the ultimate examples of how to validate someone.
By affirming their lived experience, you’re affirming that it’s okay for them to feel what they’re feeling.
All emotions are valid. Our emotions don’t last forever, but while we have them, it’s nice to have our people acknowledge their existence.
7. 'It sounds like you're really struggling. What can I do to help?'
This is another way to ask your person how you can best show up for them.
First, you validate what they’re feeling. Next, you ask how you can support them. They might not have a direct answer right away, but they know you’re around to help when they want it.
8. 'I know I might not fully get it, but I see how much it's hurting you.'
While we might never understand the entirety of someone’s lived experience, we can validate what they’re going through by saying, “I see you. I hear you. You’re valued.”
Photo: Yan Krukau / Pexels
9. 'I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. This really sucks.'
This is another tried-and-true way to show up for someone without trying to make everything better. Simply by saying, “Hey, this is a rough spot,” you’re letting your person know you see them.
You’re also acknowledging that you don’t have a one-size-fits-all instant solution, but you’re there with them, no matter what.
10. 'Do you want to talk about it or would you prefer to take some space?'
Sometimes, showing up for our person means letting them decide if they want us around. This phrase gives them the ultimate decision-making power and gives them agency over how they want to sit with their sadness or pain.
It also lets them know that you support them, in both moments of silence or times of processing through discussion.
11. 'That must be so frustrating. How are you holding up?'
Asking someone how they’re doing is a simple yet super effective way to show up. It lets them know that you care and gives them the opportunity to share as much or as little about their experience as they want to.
As Dr. Fedrick concludes, “We all just want to be seen, heard, and validated. It’s crucial that we also learn how to provide that for others.”
Oftentimes, showing up for the people you love requires nothing but your presence.
The most loving act is the most simple one: being available. Without judgment, without an action plan, and without advice, you can offer a gift to those who mean the most to you. Knowing they have someone to lean on, and that you care enough to be there with them is immeasurable.
In utilizing these validating techniques, you can show your partner that you’ll show up, through both the high points and the low points.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers relationships, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.