People Who Stay In Relationships For All The Wrong Reasons Often Tell Themselves These 6 Things
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock It can be confusing to sort out your feelings for someone, especially if you've been in a committed relationship with them for a long time. We make up all kinds of crazy reasons to stick together instead of breaking up, but just because you've been together a long time doesn't mean it's healthy for you. There are lots of obvious reasons to break up, but the ones on this list disguise themselves as reasons to stay together.
People who stay for the wrong reasons often tell themselves these things:
1. 'They haven't done anything wrong'
Variations: "They're such a good person," or "They're a great partner."
In every other area of life, not doing anything wrong does not earn you an A+. It earns you a passing grade, but a passing grade is not the same as a stellar significant other. Not doing anything wrong doesn't mean you're doing everything right. You deserve someone more than a C.
2. 'They love me so much'
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Variations: "They care about our relationship a lot," or "They treat me so well."
Yes, nice people tend to do that. As do respectful people and everyone interested in girlfriend or boyfriend retention. This phrase leaves out the key component: you. Just because you are loved doesn't mean that you love in return. It's a major flaw when the best thing about your relationship is how much your partner likes you.
3. 'It would be so horrible to break up'
Variations: "I don't want to think about it now," or "It's not a good time."
It's never going to be anything but awful. Breaking up sucks, whether you're being rejected or doing the rejecting. But chances are, life won't hand you a perfect opportunity. You'll both always be stressed, always have other things on your mind, and it will be unpleasant no matter what day you choose to pull the trigger.
4. 'I don't want to hurt them'
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Again, you're going to have to. It's awful and cowardly to stay in a relationship because you feel guilty and afraid of hurting your partner's feelings, and leaving is far less cruel. Would you want a boyfriend or girlfriend just because guilt made you stick around?
5. 'But I love them right now'
You powered through the early stages of a relationship without feeling much until you finally learned how to love the other person. Not the most magical love story. It might seem virtuous to stay, but your relationship shouldn't have continued past the third date. You both deserve someone who fascinates, excites, and stimulates you.
6. 'I'm scared to be alone'
Variations: "I don't think I'll be able to find anyone else," or "I like being in a relationship."
This isn't flattering for either of you. If you're staying with someone because you're afraid to be alone, you owe it to both of you to try to find someone else. Your partner deserves appreciation and adoration. If you can't provide that, let the relationship go.
If you've been saying one of these things (or more) to justify staying with your partner, you need to realize that staying together isn't fair to either of you. And unless you're an incredible actor, your partner will notice you're less enthusiastic, less committed, less engaged, and less fulfilled by the relationship.
Your psyche will suffer, your behavior will reflect your mental distress, and it will be noticeable. Remember: The meanest thing you can do is stay; the nicest thing you can do is leave. It feels terrible at first, but you need to give your partner a chance to find someone who feels lucky to have them. Trust me, you'll both be grateful later.
Anna Karimo is an International Relationship expert, dating coach, motivational speaker, and prolific author.
