People Who Hate Doing Mental & Emotional Gymnastics Usually Say 6 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock We’ve all met one of those people who talks in circles and uses metaphors to ask for what they want. Sometimes it’s on purpose, like they're testing you out. Other times it’s a deeply ingrained habit they don't realize they have until they get into a relationship with someone who is more direct.
This can be especially trying for people who despise this type of mental and emotional gymnastics. They are normally very direct and clear, and may quickly become annoyed with other ways of communicating. While it may seem rude at first, saying phrases like ones below is just them trying to be clear. And, as Dr. Brené Brown suggests, clear is actually the kindest way to communicate.
People who hate doing mental & emotional gymnastics say 6 phrases in casual conversation
1. "Just tell me what you mean"
Unfortunately for those who love to be direct, most of the population does not appreciate simple, clear requests. They consider it bluntness, and that's not a compliment coming from them.
That’s why, if you're one of these people who hates emotional or verbal gymnastics, it’s important to be careful with who you are direct with. When you can, save it only for when it is necessary, Marty Nemeko, PhD, advises. Direct people may respond with something like “Just tell me what you mean” not because they’re trying to be rude, but they just want to get to the point.
You can also try framing the same statement with just a little extra kindness. It doesn't have to be flowery or false. For example, "I don't think I'm understanding what you're asking, could you say it directly so I don't misunderstand?"
2. "I'd rather just talk about it"
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Instead of the silent treatment or guessing games, people who don’t want to do emotional gymnastics will probably just ask you to be honest with them. When they’re in a relationship, they will want to avoid an argument based on built-up resentment. They would rather talk about things before it becomes a major problem that could've been resolved with simple clarity.
People who avoid conflict often think they are being nice. They think staying quiet and smiling when they're actually angry is kind when, in reality, they’re just avoiding conflict. Sadly, that conflict doesn't go away when we ignore it, it's just delayed and while it's pushed down, it often festers.
Directness brings clarity, and therefore, the “mean” one in the relationship is actually being the nice one, even if they never intend it to be that way.
3. "No, I'm not fine"
Nice people try to not hurt other people’s feelings whenever possible, and that is a wonderful thing to do. What's not wonderful is when they lie or sugar-coat the truth in order to avoid talking about the things that are bothering them.
That's why, when people who hate mental gymnastics are asked, "Are you good?" they'll answer honestly, even if the other person wasn't expecting it.
This can be jarring for someone wasn't raised with this level of emotional honesty, especially if the other person is their romantic partner. They may feel scared that the whole relationship is about to blow up because they've never witnessed two adults calmly admitting to anger, sadness or hurt without a big fight erupting.
4. "No"
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As the old empowerment adage goes, "no is a complete sentence".
Many of us were raised to believe that saying no is improper etiquette. For example, if somebody invites you to a party but you don’t want to go, you may say yes just to be polite.
This can be appropriate with work events or when doing a favor for a valued friend, however, this makes things awkward in relationships. When one person isn’t asking for what they want, it builds up quiet resentment.
People who don’t want to play games will often just say, "no" when asked to do something or whether they like something. They want to be clear, they don't want to lie, and they trust that their romantic partner can handle honesty.
Yes, it takes some time to get used to, but this level of honesty can be a foundation for a very healthy, trust-based relationship.
5. "I don't have the energy for this"
This is another one where although it may come across as rude, it’s the truth. Sometimes we just don’t have the emotional capacity to play guessing games. There’s nothing more annoying than when we have to guess what somebody means and we don’t feel like it.
Others may beg off with an excuse or complain of a headache, but those who despise emotional games will probably just make it clear: I'm tired, I don't have the energy for this now.
Hopefully they will also add something like, "Let's talk about it tomorrow?" or another phrase that softens the blow and lets their friend or partner know they aren't ignoring them, too.
6. "I don't understand. Can you say more?"
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People who don’t want to play games will most definitely ask for clarification when they don’t understand what somebody is saying. For example, if they are at work and don’t understand the directions at hand, instead of lying and saying they understand, they will ask for clarification.
Or, if their friend isn’t making sense while asking for a favor, they will ask what they mean. With a partner, they may say this when the other is talking about their feelings or perspective. They say "I don't understand" to make clear they aren't following and "can you say more?" to make it clear that they are, indeed, interested in truly understanding.
All in all, people who don’t have time for mental gymnastics are pretty direct, but it’s normally for good reason.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
