An Open Letter To My Ex-Marriage And Family Therapist

Thank you for invalidating me.

woman sitting by water sutadimages / Shutterstock

Dear Deborah,

It’s me, D — the one you invalidated for a whole year while in an abusive relationship, remember?

I ain’t mad at you.

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It took me a few years — but I see what you did there.

You pushed me past my limits.

A little risky if you ask me, but then again, I don’t have a Ph.D.

Remember that email I wrote you — the last and final one? I asked my ex-husband if he needed a “break" (from being married) to pursue other (romantic) relationships and shared his response with you.


“I’m not doing it specifically to pursue other relationships, but it’s not something I’m excluding. I need a break from the unhealthy dynamic our marriage has evolved into. I need to be able to feel healthy and confident in myself. I need to be able to pursue the things that I enjoy and spend time with people that I feel can bring value to my life. That’s why I need a break. While we’re separated, if there is an opportunity for a relationship to come from one of those interactions, I think it would be worthwhile to pursue.”

If I recall correctly, your response was, “Wow.”

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Yeah, I know.


No one knew us quite as you did.

Still, as you simply stated, my intuition was correct.

It turns out he was telling the truth in a way.

He wasn’t asking for a break from being married to pursue other women. He had already been cheating on me for years.

Ain’t that some thick sh*t to swallow.

You’re right, it’s good to know he found other things (and people) to add value to his life since his wife of fifteen years, son, and daughter couldn’t do the trick.


I am writing you today to say thank you.

When my ex-husband got home from work that day (after I painfully digested that text message), I told him I wanted a divorce.


He raged at me (after I slammed the door in his face) and then told me to leave.

There’s a whole bunch of other crap that happened, but I don’t have the energy to disclose it right now. So, just know that you pushed me to the edge — and for that, I am grateful.

In the end, I jumped off that edge.


But know that I stood up for myself first.

Thank you.


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Divina Grey is a writer who has been featured in Medium, The Startup, The Good Men Project, and more. Follow her on Twitter.