An Open Letter To My Ex-Marriage And Family Therapist

Photo: sutadimages / Shutterstock
woman sitting by water

Dear Deborah,

It’s me, D — the one you invalidated for a whole year while in an abusive relationship, remember?

I ain’t mad at you.

RELATED: 8 Big Risk Factors That Cause Your Partner To Cheat

It took me a few years — but I see what you did there.

You pushed me past my limits.

A little risky if you ask me, but then again, I don’t have a Ph.D.

Remember that email I wrote you — the last and final one? I asked my ex-husband if he needed a “break" (from being married) to pursue other (romantic) relationships and shared his response with you.

“I’m not doing it specifically to pursue other relationships, but it’s not something I’m excluding. I need a break from the unhealthy dynamic our marriage has evolved into. I need to be able to feel healthy and confident in myself. I need to be able to pursue the things that I enjoy and spend time with people that I feel can bring value to my life. That’s why I need a break. While we’re separated, if there is an opportunity for a relationship to come from one of those interactions, I think it would be worthwhile to pursue.”

If I recall correctly, your response was, “Wow.”

RELATED: 15 Undeniable (But Often-Overlooked) Warning Signs You're In An Abusive Relationship

Yeah, I know.


No one knew us quite as you did.

Still, as you simply stated, my intuition was correct.

It turns out he was telling the truth in a way.

He wasn’t asking for a break from being married to pursue other women. He had already been cheating on me for years.

Ain’t that some thick sh*t to swallow.

You’re right, it’s good to know he found other things (and people) to add value to his life since his wife of fifteen years, son, and daughter couldn’t do the trick.


I am writing you today to say thank you.

When my ex-husband got home from work that day (after I painfully digested that text message), I told him I wanted a divorce.

He raged at me (after I slammed the door in his face) and then told me to leave.

There’s a whole bunch of other crap that happened, but I don’t have the energy to disclose it right now. So, just know that you pushed me to the edge — and for that, I am grateful.

In the end, I jumped off that edge.

But know that I stood up for myself first.

Thank you.


RELATED: 7 Tough-But-Honest Reasons Why People Cheat — Emotionally And Physically

Divina Grey is a writer who has been featured in Medium, The Startup, The Good Men Project, and more. Follow her on Twitter.

This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.