An Open Letter To My Ex-Marriage And Family Therapist
Thank you for invalidating me.
sutadimages / Shutterstock Dear Deborah,
It’s me, D — the one you invalidated for a whole year while in an abusive relationship, remember?
I ain’t mad at you.
It took me a few years — but I see what you did there.
You pushed me past my limits.
A little risky if you ask me, but then again, I don’t have a Ph.D.
Remember that email I wrote you — the last and final one? I asked my ex-husband if he needed a “break" (from being married) to pursue other (romantic) relationships and shared his response with you.
“I’m not doing it specifically to pursue other relationships, but it’s not something I’m excluding. I need a break from the unhealthy dynamic our marriage has evolved into. I need to be able to feel healthy and confident in myself. I need to be able to pursue the things that I enjoy and spend time with people that I feel can bring value to my life. That’s why I need a break. While we’re separated, if there is an opportunity for a relationship to come from one of those interactions, I think it would be worthwhile to pursue.”
If I recall correctly, your response was, “Wow.”
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Yeah, I know.
Brutal.
No one knew us quite as you did.
Still, as you simply stated, my intuition was correct.
It turns out he was telling the truth in a way.
He wasn’t asking for a break from being married to pursue other women. He had already been cheating on me for years.
Ain’t that some thick sh*t to swallow.
You’re right, it’s good to know he found other things (and people) to add value to his life since his wife of fifteen years, son, and daughter couldn’t do the trick.
Anyway.
I am writing you today to say thank you.
When my ex-husband got home from work that day (after I painfully digested that text message), I told him I wanted a divorce.
He raged at me (after I slammed the door in his face) and then told me to leave.
There’s a whole bunch of other crap that happened, but I don’t have the energy to disclose it right now. So, just know that you pushed me to the edge — and for that, I am grateful.
In the end, I jumped off that edge.
But know that I stood up for myself first.
Thank you.
D
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Divina Grey is a writer who has been featured in Medium, The Startup, The Good Men Project, and more. Follow her on Twitter.