6 Old-School Marriage Habits Boomers Took Seriously That Gen-Z Will Regret Ignoring
Digital Vision | Canva It is said that with age comes wisdom, and the Boomer marriage has aged fairly well, so there must be some wisdom in their experience. Whether you are a Boomer who has lived through it or another generation who has been Boomer-observational, we have all seen how a Boomer marriage can be different in ways only time can show.
Sadly, these old-school marriage habits seem to have been lost with younger generations like Millennials and Gen-Z. Couples counselor Michelle E. Vasquez points out that younger couples often "complain about their marriage if everything is not perfect and to their liking. They think of their marriage as fast food, not fine dining. It becomes a disposable commodity instead of something to treasure and enjoy."
Here are 6 old-school marriage habits Boomers took seriously that Gen-Z will regret ignoring:
1. Knowing when to drop an argument
Senior editor Aria Gmitter spent her life watching a healthy Boomer marriage. "My mother-in-law and her husband, both Navy veterans, had a beautiful, lifelong marriage. They knew how to argue, and it was magical to watch.
If they got into any type of disagreement while we had family time together or something was pressing that needed to be done, they would almost instantly laugh it off, call each other out, and move on. No holding grudges. No bringing it up during dinner or acting petty. They held hands. They laughed, moved on, or acted as if it didn’t matter. And in the end, it didn’t.
Today, people are so quick to argue and discard a person when they disagree. They forget to put the relationship’s longevity and purpose ahead of their ego. That’s one of the reasons why older generations had longer-lasting friendships and relationships than we see now. So, we can put the argument to rest as soon as possible. Not every single thing that bothers us needs to be focused on."
2. Playing the long game
Micah & Sammie Chaffin / Unsplash
"Boomers in longstanding, successful marriages can look at the long game of marriage. They know there are seasons when marriage is not completely fulfilling, but they stick it out anyway. I think the stick-to-it-ness is gone for many younger generations. It's natural and healthy for marriages to have seasons, some good and some bad," explains divorce mediator Jennifer Hargrave.
3. Letting the little things go
Therapist Gloria Brame knows from experience how "Boomers learned to stifle their thoughts and sweep things under the rug in marriages, which was encouraged by society to do so.
While this can be seen as an unhealthy habit if things are never addressed, there is Boomer value in letting the little things go and choosing your battles that have been lost on younger generations, who are often amped up to fight over even the most minor grievance.
"I wouldn't say that younger generations are clueless," Brame explains. "I see them as differently-informed, in part because of the Internet. It's better to be realistic and intentional about who you marry than to build a life based on suppressing your inherent needs."
4. Keeping a home
Deputy Editor Andrea Zimmerman says, "My Boomer parents, especially my mom, have the kitchen and 'taking care of the home' skills that were somehow lost on me. Mind you, my mother was a stay-at-home mom, so the home was her domain, but her ability to host and put on a meal from scratch is something that's been lost a bit to younger generations.
"My generation, the Millennials, often work full or part-time and have less time to spend in the kitchen or tidying the home. So, these are often tasks, at least in my case, we outsource, or we're more likely to meet up with friends at a restaurant or outside of the home. Whenever I visit my Boomer parents, I'm continually impressed by the homemade effort made specifically by women, though I suspect this was a result of outdated traditional gender stereotypes — 'a woman's place is the home' — that have fortunately now shifted."
5. Giving each other space
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"One element that has diminished in modern marriages, though common among Boomers, is space and silence. When disagreements occur, Boomer couples often pause and embrace silence as a means to reflect and understand rather than as a form of avoidance or punishment.
This space provides time for emotions to cool before continuing the conversation. For men, this silence often takes the form of retreating to a man cave to process their thoughts. Women also find value in quiet moments to regain clarity.
In today’s relationships, many couples feel the need to resolve conflicts immediately out of fear that delays will signify disconnection or that their relationship is flawed if they can’t reach an instant agreement. With technology and constant interaction via social media, patience in emotional processing can seem outdated, unnecessary, or even odd.
"Reintroducing silence into relationships requires trust and understanding that space doesn’t mean separation. Instead, it promotes clarity, mutual respect, and deeper intimacy," explains marriage therapist Richard Drobnick.
6. Having their own lives
Author and feminist media critic Joanna Schroeder observed her mother through two marriages, "My parents were typical Boomers when it came to marriage. She left college to support him in going to graduate school. She waited tables to help support them. She never had a career after that, despite enjoying being busy.
Once they divorced, as so many Boomers did after ten or so years, my mom finished college, got a Master's in Social Work, and thrived in single mom life while building a community of woman friends, buying her own home, gaining experience and respect in her career, and parenting on her own.
By the time she met my stepdad in the late 80s, she had her interests, friends, community, money, and career. He loved her for her independence.
The secret they discovered is the same as many Boomers who left more traditional marriages and only remarried after finding happiness on their own. The secret? Marital happiness is founded on each person respecting the other's identity, freedom, career, finances, and autonomy.
They adored each other but weren't always together. He had a few friends he went on trips with, and she had friends she traveled with for cottage weeks. At the end of his life, she tended to him more traditionally, but she was happy to do it because he had given her 30 years of happiness and emotional security.
They may have looked very traditional on the outside, but I think the secret to their happiness was a very non-traditional understanding that they did not own each other in the way marriage traditionally expected of their generation."
The Boomer marriage saw the rise of divorce, the coming of spousal equality, and various social changes and upheavals. Some Boomer marriages have stood the test of time, while others have taken the path to divorce. Yet both the long-lasting and second-time-around Boomer marriages have made a lasting impact on the future of modern-day relationships.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.
