5 Old-Fashioned Traits Women Loved In Men 100 Years Ago That Still Drive Them Wild Today
George Marks | Canva Many men think our power is in our brains. Our rational brains are supposed to do all the figuring out: Intelligence. Determination. Courage. Sheer force of will. These are the masculine convictions of our brains, and they’re absolutely valid and essential in their own way. But when used in isolation from our true power source for too long, they leave us dead inside, unable to deeply connect with life, including our partners.
A man genuinely connected to his heart, who lives each day with his brain in proper service to his heart’s deeper wisdom, is a timeless type of man who breathes life into the world. He can inspire and lift the world, even if it’s only one person’s world. How does a man connected to the heart show up every day? Through these old-fashioned qualities that women loved centuries ago, which still hold up today.
Here are the old-fashioned traits women loved in men 100 years ago that still drive them wild today:
1. Patience
With himself. With others. With life. When we’re connected to heart, we’re able to be patient with and authentically love life, ourselves, and other people, even when they don’t do what we want them to do, which is almost always.
When I was in the military, I was so disconnected from my heart that I hated life. I was imprisoned in my brain. The day I left base for the last time, I headed for the open road with only a backpack and pent-up rage. Little did I know, I was also heading into the darkest night my soul has ever experienced.
That night waxed and waned for 12 years and involved angry women and drugs and heartbreak and financial ruin. I was always impatient for the rest of the world to change so I could finally feel good, and I acted out in countless ways to make it change.
By its end, my ego had been gutted so profoundly, as I finally had to accept just how little I am in control of anything or anyone and just how messy life is, no matter what I do to keep it clean. With every smash against the rocks I took, every despairing night and furious girlfriend, the heavy armor surrounding my heart cracked and weakened until I gradually discovered an abiding peace and a laughter I had never felt in my body before.
When I finally emerged from that night, I found myself in a new reality that showed me we are all innocent in our ignorance. We are each doing the best we can, all the time, even when it doesn’t look that way. If we truly knew how to do things better, we’d do it.
That one insight gave me access to an embodied patience with people, myself, with life, that I had never known, that no one ever taught me. That insight was borne of a freshly opened heart. Granted, my patience remains a work in progress for my brain, but my heart is no longer a servant to my mind.
I can move powerfully towards my true heart’s desire — whether that be a woman or a trip to the tropics — with patience enough to allow life its surprise curve balls. Curve balls are half the fun, anyway. That’s another way you can recognize an old-fashioned man of heart: he makes things fun.
2. Sense of humor
I didn’t really know laughter until I was well into my 30s. Oh, I laughed plenty before then. But I took myself and life so seriously that my laughter was shallow and intellectual — only I didn’t know that until the wisdom in my heart started showing me the wild beauty in all things.
My intellect has always been predisposed to lie to me by telling me things are worse than they really are. My brain usually says I’ve got to work harder, be better, and do more just to survive, never mind thrive. It says the same about you.
It’s hard to fully let go and surrender to laughter when I believe I’m still not yet good enough, or that you aren’t, or that life isn’t. My heart, on the other hand, is perfectly content to enjoy this moment. It can find the innocence in most any situation, and it can laugh effortlessly at the crazy divine comedy that is life. The heart doesn’t laugh in shallow arrogance through a facade of “I’m better and smarter than you.”
An old-fashioned man connected to his heart knows we’re all made of the same stuff underneath the surface gloss. The laughter that erupts from that place is profound, divine. It’s like the sound of love tickling itself.
3. Kindness
Rob Coates / Unsplash
An old-fashioned man connected to his heart is kind to everyone. That doesn’t mean he likes everyone. It doesn’t mean he tolerates everyone. But he can always see the innocence that leads to ignorant, even awful behavior.
A man connected to his heart can hold compassion for the worst. I saw this in my relationships with women who acted in destructive ways because they did not know how to effectively communicate their pain to me.
Stuck in my head, I judged and fought them for their immature behavior while ignoring the pain at their core. With an open heart, I’m more able to stay kind with a partner acting out their pain, and yes, like most things, it’s a work in progress.
4. Presence of mind
I hear this all the time from women that their men don’t seem to be present with them, but what does that even mean? Being fully present is a full-body sport: it requires full participation of the head and the heart. When a man lives in his head alone, his partner won’t feel him present. One way that reveals itself is through the quality of his listening.
When I was trapped in the matrix, I would only listen to a girlfriend with the singular intent of evaluating to respond. I wanted to keep our thoughts in agreement because that’s the only place I figured peace of mind and intimacy could happen. My attempt to intellectualize every argument, however, mostly created chaos.
When an old-fashioned man connected to his heart listens, he listens with his entire body. He doesn’t just listen for a way into the outcome he wants. He listens with his whole body for the deeper message beneath the words. He listens at the level of the heart, where the real truth often resides. His partner can feel this, his presence, when he breaths deeply and listens with his whole body.
5. Passion
The work I did in the military felt completely out of alignment with my true purpose. was miserable. The day I left, I instinctively knew to run fast and run far. Not from the military, but from living inauthentically.
The pain of that situation — where I had money, prestige, comfort, respect, and misery — left me with no choice but to seek my true purpose in life, wherever that journey would take me.
That’s why I went through such darkness. To find my path of the heart, I had to break the stranglehold my brain had on my heart — they didn’t surrender graciously.
An old-fashioned man connected to his heart lives the truth inside that heart, whatever it looks like. If he’s doing work he doesn’t love, he’s doing it for bigger reasons driven by his authentic heart; perhaps to take care of his family or serve his community.
In my case, after years of running from the imaginary security of a paycheck in search of authentic work aligned with my heart’s desire, I finally found it in writing and coaching. I’m really good at both, and I make a meaningful difference in people’s lives every day. I would have never come this far if not for the immense power in my heart.
Brian Reeves is a former US Air Force Captain, relationship coach, and the author of Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her).
