I'm Not Saying We Need To Bring Back Horse-Drawn Carriages, But Here Are 7 Old-School Chivalrous Gestures I Miss More Than I Ever Expected To
Antares_NS | Shutterstock I'll admit it: Sometimes I want to be treated like a proper lady and miss those old-school chivalrous gestures men once fought with each other to make. Sure, we might not need a knight in shining armor to ride up and save us anymore, unless it's a Bridgerton fantasy come to life, but still, most of us still want to be treated like ladies, and feel like in modern-day dating, something has changed — and not for the good.
Sometime between high school and full-fledged adulthood, men stopped taking the lead, and we kind of miss it. Chivalry aside, these gestures say more about awareness and kindness than any code from the days of feudalism and horse-drawn buggies.
I'm not saying we need to bring back horse-drawn carriages, but here are old-school chivalrous gestures I miss more than I ever expected to:
1. Having his own place, sans roomate
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Isn't it just so inviting when you find out your date has a place of his own? A man maintaining his own bills and residence is ultra-masculine and indicates a certain discipline and sense of responsibility. Now, he doesn't have to have the ultimate bachelor's pad but just a place where he's not worried about scheduling living room time with his roommates (read: parents) or making arrangements for a sleepover. P.S. With the trying times, a study helps us understand moving back home with parents as an investment in the future. But if he has never left his parents' place, do we need to say more?
2. Insisting on picking up the tab
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It’s nice to offer to help split the bill on your first date with a potential suitor. It shows consideration on your part after all. But we certainly don’t expect him to accept it. What we expect is for him to wholeheartedly, unabashedly insist on paying. Yes, indeed. Research has shown he really wants to make a good impression on you.
But what if there is an awkward hesitation from him, which ends up with the words “Well, you can take care of the tip.” Buzzkill. There’s nothing more disappointing than feeling your date is uncertain about covering the costs he basically set up. This is his time to shine and show he’s the man. If he doesn’t insist at this point, you can forget about him doing it later.
3. Taking the time to call, not just text
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Texting has replaced calling as a means of communication, but it’s still not great in the dating world. At least in the early stages of dating. If a guy is pursuing us, we want him to really make the effort, which means making that first shy call to ask for a date.
"To determine if a man is worth dating, listen to his energy level and interest in you," advised dating coach Ronnie Ann Ryan. "As you listen to him talk, you'll learn about his language skills, intelligence, and disposition. Let's say the call is going well and you feel like you could talk to this man all night. Don't do it! You want to have something to talk about next time. Plus, you want to leave him thinking about you and curious to know more."
4. Holding the door open for you — and the person behind you
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It’s just a nice gesture. Period. Gestures like holding open doors help create micro-connections between people. These connections show people they are friendly and kind. Life coach Carolyn Maguire explained how micro-connections make for better friends and partners, "They are small, everyday acts of kindness. Every time you hold the door open or smile at a passing stranger, you are creating a micro-moment of connection. They are mini 'love' moments that can raise oxytocin in our brains and in others, too."
5. Giving you his jacket to keep you warm
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That’s one chivalrous, old-school man right there, and he sure is all about keeping his partner happy. Women, on average, get colder much more easily than men. And sometimes we just need that extra layer of comfort. So fella, risk a bit of discomfort to show us you care and give up your coat or jacket when you see us shivering.
"There are some pretty obvious aspects of a healthy relationship, like being openly loving and kind," suggested relationship coach Debra Smouse. "But many people may not realize that the subtler, smaller acts of kindness, like letting your date borrow your jacket, play an even bigger role in keeping a relationship strong. When it comes to any relationship, you can never go wrong when you choose love and kindness."
6. Helping you carry your bags
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Whether it’s helping us hoist our carry-on into the overhead compartment on an airplane or just helping us carry a heavy load to our cars, a man’s strength is much appreciated. As much as we want to see each other as equals, men are generally stronger than women, which makes them indispensable.
Helping carry things is a good start. But what really makes his helpful gesture work is when it comes from a place of wanting to help just to help. Helping out with an ulterior motive won't get him far. Research has shown that when partners perceive their mate as being authentic, the relationship will flourish.
7. Wearing a signature scent
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A signature scent is so classic, so cool, so retro! If a man finds the right scent for his pH balance, some power is released that can be absolutely irresistible. Some women deeply miss the men who paid better attention to their scent.
Love coach Dr. Ava Cadell elaborated, "You’ve probably heard that the olfactory senses are our most primitive and can be highly emotive when it comes to mutual attraction. The smell is why you want to get close to them and breathe in their scent. It’s a primal act, one that gives us an immediate 'yes' or 'no' based on their body odor."
Selam Aster was a contributing writer for MadameNoire, focusing on entertainment, relationship, and pop culture topics.
