Dr. Ava Cadell, EdD, PhD - Expert

As a solution, I taught them how to give each other a TriGasm. For the woman first, she should lie back while her lover stimulates her clitoris orally until she has reached a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10. (10 equals orgasm). Then change course and stimulate her vulva in small circles with the tongue or fingers for about 2 minutes. Return to the clitoris and orally increase her level of pleasure to a 9; almost to the point of no return.

At this peak, insert a forefinger palm up into her vagina and find her G-spot, then tap, tap, tap it gently towards her navel. Simultaneously, stimulate her anus with a finger or vibrator to bring her to a mind-blowing, earth shattering, body-melting TriGasm.

For the man, he should lie back while his lover lavishes the head of his penis orally until he reaches a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10. She should then use her mouth and tongue to stimulate his testicles for about 2 minutes. Return to the penis and orally increase his level of pleasure to a 9.5 (almost to the point of no return). Meanwhile fondle his testicles with one hand, while fingering his anus with the other.

I asked Brian to share his pros and cons of having a threesome with Lila; he said that on the upside it could expand their sexual horizon and would even agree to have a threesome with two men if she wanted. He could find no downside to the fantasy other than if it were to cause Lila distress.

I recommended they make his fantasy come true with the power of suggestion first, by pretending another woman was in bed with them. Lila would describe what she looks like, and then Brian can describe what she is doing to them both sexually in graphic detail. Afterward, if they may both really want to try it they can. However, sometimes the fantasy may be better than the reality.

As a solution to resolve the mismatched sex drive, I asked Becca to tell Jay what would help her to get into a sexy mood more often. She confessed she had some resentment towards him expecting her to turn into a sexpot from mommy mode without any romance or foreplay. Jay promised to give Becca some time to unwind, let her take a bath and then give her a massage, focusing on the non sexual parts of her body first. Becca promised to be more responsive and sexual as she was when they were first married. The power of communication and compromise worked its magic once again.

I suggested that Emily bring her husband, Ryan to the session because I find it helpful to observe the verbal interaction and body language of couples I am counseling. Besides, her problem did affect their relationship and he should be part of the solution process.

I discovered that they had a mismatched sex drive and that Emily felt like she was under constant pressure to have sex. Eventually, she just clamped up and so did her vaginal muscles as a form of defense.

In my office, I encouraged Emily and Ryan to do some Sensate Focus exercises on each other’s hands and face. Emily was able to experience receiving touch without any sexual agenda. For their homework, I gave them other non-sexual exercises that would create deeper intimacy without focusing on the goal of intercourse or orgasm. It was up to Emily to let Ryan know when she was ready to have intercourse.

A week later, Emily called to let me know that they were experiencing a deeper heart connection and to her delight, Ryan was being more romantic. During sexual intercourse, she did not experience the kind of pain she had before. On a scale of 1 to 10, her discomfort level was now between a 1 and a 2 instead of an 8 or higher.