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No relationship is perfect — even the one with your soulmate.
By Jessica Niziolek — Written on Sep 17, 2021
Getting used to your significant other is fun, but also not always romantic. You're no longer blinded by the puppy love that you both had in the beginning. You now see the flaws that your partner holds.
But that's the thing about relationships: you have to get used to the things your partner does.
And if you've found your soulmate, even their most annoying traits and habits aren't deal breakers for your relationship.
1. You’ll realize that your person is a forgetful slob.
For example, when your guy has a thing for not putting the toilet seat down, or putting the cap on the toothpaste, leaving an empty carton of milk in the fridge, not changing the toilet paper, or clogging the drain with his hair after he shaves. This is when you’ll want to send him back to his mother and tell her he still needs work.
2. Communication becomes a lot harder.
You’d think communication would get easier but instead, it becomes harder than usual. Especially if it’s a tough topic for your partner to talk about. You’ll find yourself pulling information from them because simple one-word responses don’t answer your question. You also find yourself questioning what you’re doing that is so wrong your partner is shutting down.
The truth is that sometimes you have to step back and let them come to you when they’re ready to talk about whatever is bothering them. It’s hard but this is where your patience will be put to good use. If you are patient and don’t push too hard, your partner will mostly feel more at ease, and more relaxed to come to find you and talk to you about whatever it is that is bothering them.
3. Compromise.
This is a big one for all couples. I have always felt that compromise was unconsciously linked to letting go of control and letting your partner take the wheel. Compromise pretty much plays a role in all areas of your relationship. From which side of the family you’ll visit on Christmas to who gets to pick the next vacation you go on. To who gets to have the car for their next business meeting or take the train.
Compromising also plays a role in trust. You need to trust your partner enough to know that when you make said compromise that you’re doing it in a way that does not jeopardize your safety overall, and it turns out to be beneficial for both of you in the end. In order to work together, you have to be willing to give a little to get something back.
4. You’ll learn to negotiate.
Negotiating should be one of the very first things you and your partner learn to do together. From negotiating who does the majority of the household work to who controls the finances, to swapping out who cooks during the week.
If you and your partner learn to negotiate early on in the relationship then you will each get a good idea of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. It will help you define your role better and know where you can step up and help and where you can step back and let your partner take the lead, and vice versa.
5. You’ll learn to really listen to each other.
Once you have been in a relationship with someone for a while listening to one another like you did when you first began dating begins to wane, and you become far too comfortable with the silence that most likely has built up between the two of you.
Listen to one another. That is the simplest and one of the truest signs of respect you can give your partner. Making them feel heard, and showing them that you’re really listening to them proves you validate them. Appreciate and value what they are saying even if it’s something you don’t agree with. Your partner will appreciate being heard and also, your honesty.
6. You will go outside of your comfort zone for your partner.
Maybe you’re absolutely afraid of heights and your partner is an adrenaline junkie and asks you to go indoor rock climbing with them. You’re petrified, but you still give it the old college try. And before you know it, you’re out the top waiting for your partner to meet you at the top. Encouraging them as they climb.
This is a metaphor but also what it means to go outside of your comfort zone for your person. You’re cheering your partner on during the climb, and vice versa.
7. You’ll still support each other even when you disagree.
It’s in these moments that your partner may need your shoulder more than hearing why they’re wrong. Sometimes the best support you can give your partner is a pair of arms wrapped around them in a reassuring hug that lets them know everything will be okay. Even when they’re wrong you’ll still remind them what they are capable of, and that there tomorrow is always a brand new chance to try again.
8. You become a part of a family and are no longer just introduced as the boyfriend/girlfriend.
This is a pretty big deal in itself. Because that means their family accepts you as a part of their life. This is also a sign of trust. They trust you enough to call you family, that you have earned your stripes so to speak. You have proven that you’re the right person to not only be dating their child/sibling/etc but that you’re up to the task to care for them and love them for the rest of your life.
9. You’ll have the realization that playing house with someone is overrated, and it is time to make that house into a home with your partner.
Upgrading your status from boyfriend/girlfriend to fiance to fiance turned husband/wife. Going from renters to legit first-time homeowners. Becoming the proud parents of either human babies, fur babies, or both.
It is times like this that make this thing called life **real** for you and your partner. Working as a team, championing/cheering for one another, dealing with whatever you and your partner have to paddle your way through. This will be without a doubt, the scariest thing you’ve ever done. Committing to making two lives one is scary, yes, but it could also be the greatest adventure you ever take.
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Jessica Niziolek is a disability activist, writer, and poet. Follow her on Instagram.
This article was originally published at Thought Catalog. Reprinted with permission from the author.