Men Who Wish Their Wives Understood Them Better Usually Say These 11 Things Casually
Men want to feel understood and validated just like women do.
Mariaphoto3 / Shutterstock We all want to feel understood and heard by our partner. And when someone doesn't feel that way, men often have a hard time telling the person they love how they are feeling in a direct manner. Instead, men who wish their wives understood them better usually say certain things casually in the hope that they will get their point across and things will change.
While society often sends a message that men shouldn't show their emotions openly, it's not healthy for anyone to feel like they have to bundle up all their feelings in their marriage. Any spouse should want to understand where their partner is coming from, as failing to do this will leave the person they are supposed to love and support forever feeling emotionally disconnected and lonely.
Men who wish their wives understood them better usually say these 11 things casually
1. 'You don't understand me'
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When a man feels like his wife does not understand him, but he wishes desperately that she would, he may say things that act as a cry for help. He may blatantly tell her that she does not understand him in hopes that she will see how much this bothers him.
“The inability to be a good listener can stem from several underlying issues, and it’s important to understand what these might be before trying to fix things. Don’t presume that it’s simply because your partner doesn’t want to hear you,” mentions Andra Brosh, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist.
In some cases, although it makes him feel deeply misunderstood, his wife may actually be struggling with not having the emotional capacity to be a good listener. She may have shut this part of herself down as a defensive mechanism from past trauma.
2. 'I wish you could see things from my perspective'
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A man may tell his wife he wishes she could see things from his perspective if he never feels understood by her, but would really like to. He may begin feeling very frustrated from constantly feeling unheard and invalidated, which are two main feelings that could drive him to make this kind of statement. For his wife to truly begin seeing things from his perspective, she must develop empathy.
“Empathy is the ability to understand and share your spouse’s emotions and experiences. It is an essential component of effective communication, as it helps partners feel heard and supported,” according to Freed Marcroft, a team of attorneys who specialize in divorce and family law. Until she becomes empathetic toward him, she will struggle to understand his perspective.
3. 'I don't know why I even bother explaining'
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When a man is struggling to feel understood by his wife, he may tell her that he no longer knows why he bothers explaining things to her. This is his way of expressing his deep frustration and his attempt to show her that there is an emotional disconnect within their marriage.
If, when he expresses this, nothing changes about the communication and understanding in the marriage, he may begin to distance himself from his wife and stop communicating emotionally. He will start thinking that every time he does speak, she dismisses his words and only ever leaves him feeling misunderstood, so instead of constantly putting himself through this emotional turmoil, he will stop explaining things to her.
4. 'I just want to feel wanted'
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When a man feels misunderstood by his wife, there is an emotional need that is not being met. This can start making him feel like she never validates him and that she does not desire him. If he wishes for this to change, he may tell her that all he wants is to feel wanted.
After not being heard or understood in a relationship for so long, he will start to feel like maybe he is not as important to his wife as he would like to be. This can cause a disconnect between the two partners, and he may long to be desired by her because he views it as a quick fix for this disconnect, as well as a means to regain a sense of value.
5. 'I just need you to listen, not try to fix the problem'
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Sometimes all a man needs is to be heard, not told a solution to his problems. While a wife may think she is helping her husband work through his issues, if he truly feels that he needs her to simply listen in order to feel understood, he might tell her that that is all he needs, rather than her constantly trying to fix the problem at hand.
He is longing for validation in these moments, much more so than a solution. It is not that he does not ultimately want to fix the problem, but in the moment of expressing his feelings to his wife, all he really wants is to feel heard and understood by her.
6. 'You always jump to conclusions before I'm finished'
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When a man wishes he were understood by his wife, he will likely tell her that she always jumps to conclusions before he actually gets to finish expressing himself to her. This can lead him to feel frustrated and judged by his wife. When his wife constantly jumps to conclusions, it has an overall negative impact on the marriage.
“Your partner might feel hurt, frustrated, or even helpless when their words or actions get twisted into something they never intended. Feeling misunderstood chips away at closeness. Over time, it can lead to resentment, loneliness, and emotional distance…even when love is still there,” said marriage counseling and divorce expert, Dylan Banks.
7. 'I feel like you're not even listening to what I'm saying'
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If a man thinks his wife does not understand him, but he wishes that she did, he might start telling her that he never feels like she actually listens to what he is saying. If they communicate in opposing ways, there truly may be a disconnect when they talk to one another. It may not be that his wife does not want to listen or understand him. She may just have a hard time following his communication style.
“It is important to remember, though, that everyone is different and everyone communicates in different ways. If you feel like your partner doesn’t listen to you, you need to make sure that you are communicating in a way that they can understand,” explains Melissa Shaw, a couples therapist and licensed clinical social worker. If he feels unheard by his wife, he may want to try figuring out how she communicates best so she can understand and listen to him more effectively.
8. 'I don't feel valued'
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When men have a deep longing to be understood by their wives, they may find ways to express this to her. A man may tell his wife he does not feel valued by her if every time he expresses himself to her, she makes him feel unheard and misunderstood.
When he feels misunderstood, it may lead to him feeling unappreciated and emotionally disconnected from his wife. Constantly feeling this way might make him question whether or not his wife values what he has to say and the needs that he has.
9. 'I feel lonely in our marriage'
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If a man constantly feels like his wife does not understand him, but he wishes that she did, he will probably tell her that he feels lonely in their marriage. Feeling misunderstood may cause emotional distance between them, and his needs will likely go unmet.
Experiencing these things in a marriage can lead to him feeling very lonely. He may not understand exactly how to express to his wife that he feels this way due to her not meeting his emotional needs, but he will likely be hoping that her behavior will change if she realizes he feels lonely.
10. 'I don't have the energy to explain myself again'
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The task of explaining himself again and again may become daunting for a man who constantly feels misunderstood by his wife. Despite how badly he wishes to be understood by her, he may still tell her that he no longer has the energy to explain himself.
He likely feels emotionally exhausted, and he may feel like it is a lost cause trying to be heard. Instead of continuously trying, he may reach a point where he would rather protect himself from the pain of feeling dismissed than put himself through the emotional pain again.
11. 'I'm not trying to argue, I just want you to understand my perspective'
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When a man feels misunderstood by his wife, he may tell her that he does not want to start an argument. He wants her to try to understand his point of view. Without escalating into a conflict, he wants her to know that he feels unheard.
He is hoping that she will, without getting angry or offensive, consider his perspective on the matter and help him feel like his feelings and viewpoints are valued and validated. While not all men will say these things when they wish to be understood by their wives, many will in hopes that it will strengthen their marriage and help them feel like a valuable partner.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
