Men Raised By Mentally & Emotionally Chaotic Mothers Usually Gravitate Toward Women With 9 Specific Traits
Yuliia Bezuglaya / Shutterstock People get used to the environment they grew up in, which leads many of us to choose problematic partners who have some of the same toxic behavior as our parents.
When a man grew up being raised by a mentally and emotionally chaotic mom, there’s a good chance he will end up being particularly drawn to women who have some traits that feel familiar, even though that certainly won't help them break an unhealthy cycle.
If a man was raised by a mentally and emotionally chaotic mother, he'll likely be attracted to women with these specific traits
1. They have intense mood swings
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It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the women these men are attracted to are dramatic. They go back and forth between emotional highs and lows without any predictable pattern, keeping everyone around them on their toes.
This feels comfortable at first because it reminds these men of their moms. But in the long run, there’s a good chance that the relationship won’t work because of her unstable moods.
2. They always ask for reassurance
It’s normal for pretty much everyone who’s in a relationship to look to their partner for reassurance from time to time. When it becomes so frequent that it’s causing a problem, though, it usually means someone is dealing with low self-esteem.
Men with chaotic moms are drawn to women like this because it feels like a problem they can actually solve. Even if they can't help their moms, they can always provide reassurance. But that may take a huge toll on their relationship and cause resentment to build over time.
3. They try to control his life
Mothers with a penchant for chaos were probably pretty hands-off when raising their kids. So, their sons might think women who care so much that they’re actually controlling are showing them the love they were always missing out on as a child.
The love they think they feel is just an illusion, though. Women who want to control their partners might try to keep track of them all the time or even lie to get what they want. There’s no way a relationship can be healthy when it comes with that kind of baggage.
4. They completely ignore boundaries
It’s a common misconception that people don’t need to set boundaries around who they’re closest to. If a woman acts a little chaotic, just like these men’s mothers, she would probably be more likely to believe boundaries apply to everyone but her.
The problem is it’s actually the responsibility of the person who sets the boundaries to make sure they’re understood and respected. Men who are looking for the unconditional love they never got from their moms might think that they should put up with this kind of behavior so they don’t upset their partners, which makes the situation even more unhealthy.
5. They need to be taken care of
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A woman who relies on someone else to take care of her isn’t just needy. She’s actually showing an unhealthy level of dependence by expecting her partner to do everything for her.
That would put men in an uncomfortable position, but it might seem appealing at first. They’ll feel like this kind of woman will never leave them and always appreciate them. But treating your partner like they’re supposed to take care of your to-do list isn’t real love.
6. They love bomb him after fights
Women with unpredictable emotions are probably going to fall into the cycle of picking huge, hurtful fights with their partners, and then trying to smooth things over by acting more affectionate than ever.
This love bombing is a form of manipulation, but men who are used to emotional volatility might fall for it. If highs and lows feel normal to them, the increased affection might convince them their partner really does care even though she goes too far sometimes.
7. They can’t get out of crisis mode
Mentally and emotionally chaotic mothers may have reached that point by getting stuck in their own version of crisis mode, so women who do the same thing will feel really familiar to men who grew up in that environment.
When someone is always in crisis mode, it becomes hard for them to tell the difference between small and serious problems because it all feels overwhelming. A supportive partner could help her work through this, but he would need to be prepared to show extreme patience and put her needs before his own.
8. They never hide their feelings
It’s not surprising that women who follow this chaotic emotional pattern will have no problem both showing and telling exactly how they feel. Technically, it’s actually unhealthy for people’s health when they hide their emotions, so this could be a good thing.
But it could easily become too much to handle if the woman lets her feelings control her, or if she lets something slip that hurts someone’s feelings. That would make it hard to be in a relationship with her, even if she does have a magnetic pull.
9. They think harsh criticism is helpful
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There’s a lot of talk these days about not taking things too personally and accepting constructive criticism as beneficial. It’s a good thing when that discussion makes someone feel more confident in the face of criticism, but not when it makes someone feel more comfortable giving criticism.
These men could easily be attracted to women who pick apart everything they do and think there’s nothing wrong with that. They’re probably dealing with some insecurities of their own, but that doesn’t make it any easier to be on the receiving end.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
