Men Are 7 Times More Likely To Leave Their Wives Because Of This One Thing
It's not nagging, finances, or intimacy.
Jarrod Reed | Unsplash I’m a child of divorce, so I know all too well that vows are more of a hopeful proposition than an unbreakable promise. Don’t get me wrong: While I was raised Catholic, I no longer subscribe to the notion that God will smite us where we stand for calling it quits. I don’t feel that divorce is a sin, a disgrace, or a moral failing. In fact, I believe that no-fault divorce saves lives (literally).
Still, I’m hoping to break that cycle for myself. I’ve done a lot of research and a lot of therapy to ensure that I don’t repeat my parents’ mistakes. As of 2025, about 40% of marriages end in divorce.
The good news? That number is technically on the decline. Since couples are choosing their partners more carefully, waiting longer to get married, and prioritizing their education and careers over tradition, modern marriages are statistically more stable.
The bad news? It turns out that “in sickness and in health” doesn’t always mean much — especially to one gender.
Studies found a disturbing reason why husbands leave their wives: because she became seriously ill.
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A recent study published in The Journal of Marriage and Family tracked more than 25,000 straight couples over the span of 18 years.
Researchers found that when the husband got sick, the couple often stayed together. But when the wife got sick, the marriage was way more likely to end.
This isn’t a fluke. A 2009 study in Cancer also found a gender difference in the rate of partner abandonment when married couples faced terminal illnesses. When men were diagnosed with brain tumors or multiple sclerosis, the divorce rates didn’t change. When women were diagnosed with brain tumors or multiple sclerosis, their husbands were seven times more likely to leave them.
According to a Psychology Today article by social psychologist Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., it likely has to do with the wife’s physical inability to care for herself and her partner:
“When the wife was severely limited in her ability to perform the tasks of everyday life, but her husband wasn’t, the couple was more likely to divorce than when neither experienced severe limitations. Again, if the situation were reversed and it was the husband who had severe limitations, the marriage was no more likely to end than if neither partner had severe limitations.”
In other words, it’s less about the disease and more about the gender roles.
I’ve seen so many posts about men leaving their sick wives on social media
This summer, a woman named Marie went viral on Reddit and TikTok after she posted scans of her brain tumor alongside a screenshot of her text conversation with her husband. He apparently drained their bank accounts, ended their marriage via text, and disappeared.
His texts said:
“Listen. It’s been hard. I can’t handle watching you die. I feel alone. I feel trapped. I’m not sure where or what I’m going to do, but my mom, my therapist, and my buds all agree this is the best course. I’ve invested a lot during your treatment, in recouping what I put in, plus extra for my future, I can still have one. I’m sorry that you’re dying, I truly am, but I cannot be a part of it; I can’t watch it anymore. This is the last time you’ll hear from me. Please don’t hate me. Just move on peacefully.
Be happy for me. That I can live for us both. That I can breathe for us both, that maybe one day I can love for us both.”
Now, as a journalist, I know you can’t trust every post you see on the internet — but it was the comments that got me:
“They literally teach us this in nursing school to prepare to emotionally comfort patients because of how frequently men leave their ill wives,” one commenter wrote.
“Women need to understand this is common. Speak to the doctors and nurses in oncology, and they will tell you. In the ICU, and they will tell you,” another said.
And then there were countless responses like this:
“Join the club, hun. Mine did the same. Except mine was curable and treatment only lasts about 2 months.”
“I got rear-ended in a car accident, and my ex-husband said, ‘You’re not fun anymore.’”
“My father didn’t attend one single doctor's appointment, nor did he lift a finger for my mother as she died of cancer. 41 years of marriage, being his maid, his cook, raising his children, did his laundry, brought him overseas, and that was the thanks she got.”
In my opinion, that last comment hits the nail on the head.
Why marriages end when women get sick
Even though women now make up nearly half of the American workforce, we’re still doing the vast majority of domestic labor at home. Now, instead of cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids, most women go to work, come home, and then cook, clean, and take care of the kids. Studies also find that women are usually the caregivers in their relationships — especially when it comes to their husbands.
According to Alex Broom, a Professor of Sociology and Director of the Sydney Centre for Healthy Societies, this unequal division of labor is why men may struggle to care for their wives when the situation calls for it. Broom told news.com.au:
“Research has often shown that women bear the brunt of caring responsibilities at both ends of life — the early years and the twilight years. But also, that the men in their lives can be ill-equipped to provide them with care and support when they need it — whether in the context of serious illness or at the end of life.”
Of course, Broom notes that it’s “not all men,” but it happens often enough that both scientific and anecdotal evidence show a disproportionate number of women who are left to fend for themselves after a diagnosis.
What about the women who end marriages?
People (myself included) are quick to point out that women now initiate nearly 70% of divorces in the United States. According to divorce lawyers, it’s largely because of the unequal division of labor.
Some men expect their wives to do everything for them, including feeding them, doing their laundry, managing their social calendars, and being their primary source of emotional support. Women, on the other hand, are tired of doing it all with little to no help.
But there are two key differences here. First of all, while husbands may feel blindsided by the divorce papers, research shows that most women spend up to two years trying to resolve conflicts, asking for help, and fighting for their marriages before they consider divorce.
And second, women are overwhelmingly asking for help from capable, able-bodied men who can take care of them in return, yet choose not to. In other words, many husbands have no problem accepting unwavering care from their wives for years on end — but when women can no longer physically serve men, some men don’t see a reason to stick around.
Maria Cassano is a writer, editor, and journalist whose work has appeared on NBC, Bustle, CNN, The Daily Beast, Food & Wine, and Allure, among others.
