The Maxim That's Kept My Wife And I Happily Married For Decades

Follow this advice for a happily-ever-after like ours.

woman happy in her own bed, man happy in his own bed Syda Productions via Canva | Maridav via Canva 

"Separate beds; united hearts."

That's the maxim my wife and I live by.

As we started our family journey, I realized the need for personal space.

We're a young couple, blessed with two beautiful boys. Each day, we wake up with sparkling eyes, full of energy and mischief. They keep us on our toes, always. They are the apple of our eyes.

But it's also our responsibility to ensure we remain individuals first, with our unique habits and peculiarities.


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Thus, my wife and I made a conscious choice: to sleep separately.

At first, it may seem an odd choice to many. Lovebirds, parted? But consider this: How well can you perform as a team if you haven't had a good night's sleep?

We're a tag team, tackling everything that comes our way, only because we're both well-rested.

This doesn't mean we're distant. In fact, we're always there for each other, even in the middle of the night when one of our boys needs attention.

Our second secret, amusingly, is taking out the trash. And when I say trash, I mean both the literal and metaphorical kind.


She never misses a chance to tease me about my peculiar fascination with cleanliness. Yet, she knows deep down, that our tidy surroundings resonate with our clear minds.

We teach our boys the same, and they've started their journey of tidying up after playtime.

Simultaneously, we take out the emotional trash regularly too.

Every fortnight, we sit down to vent our feelings, frustrations, and concerns. It's a safe space, where criticism is left at the door, and only understanding and compassion are allowed in.

We believe this is the way to maintain a healthy emotional environment for ourselves and our children.

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Thirdly, we've made a pact: "It's always our money."

This agreement has helped us build trust and mutual respect.

Regardless of where it comes from — my salary, her part-time work income, or even birthday gifts from our parents — we consider it our family's money.

We spend wisely, prioritizing our needs first, then moving on to desires.

We've instilled the same values in our eldest child too, teaching him about the importance of money management.

Lastly, allow me to let you in on our hidden gem: "Your phone is my phone."

In our connected world, our phones are an extension of our individual lives. Yet, they are an open book for both of us.

This agreement underlines the trust we have in each other. We don't consider it an invasion of privacy, but rather a gesture of absolute transparency.


It's about living in the present, not dwelling on past secrets.

We don't enforce this rule, though. It's based on mutual respect and trust, not surveillance. There's no need to hide anything from the person you're spending your life with.

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And so, our family thrives in this beautifully crafted space, built on the principles of individuality, openness, and mutual respect.

We've found our harmony, and we cherish it each day. Our young ones are growing up in an atmosphere of love, understanding, and trust, learning from their parents, who strive to uphold these values in every aspect of their life.


I hope our secrets make sense to you. Remember, it's not about the practice; it's about the principle behind it.

So, find what works for your family. It may be entirely different from ours, and that's okay.

The important thing is to ensure everyone that is happy and growing together.


So, if you find yourself tossing and turning in bed, irked by your partner's snoring, give separate beds a shot. Or if you're always arguing about finances, maybe try the "our money" concept. And yes, feel free to take out the trash, metaphorically or literally.

You might just discover your own hidden gem amidst it all.

Thanks for joining this enlightening journey of familial love and understanding. If you need me, I'll be taking out the trash — probably both kinds.

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Andrei Marian Sava is a writer who specializes in philosophy, psychology, spirituality, mindfulness, and personal development.