5 Marvelous Things About Married Love (From A 90-Year-Old Rabbi)

Aging is a little less terrifying when someone is beside your side through it.

Old couple enjoying each others company Victor | Canva / Vlada Karpovich | Pexels

We live in a youth-obsessed society where knowing that Miley Cyrus has achieved international stardom and success —and she was born in 1992 — can make us feel like our most precious years are slipping away. In our society, it can feel like we're running out of time, especially if there are important milestones we haven't reached by a certain age. But growing old is not something to fear.

In 2019, The New York Times published a piece called "6 Reasons To Grow Old," based on advice from Joshua O. Haberman, a 90-year-old rabbi. Sure, your skin may sag and your hands may shake, but growing old comes with great benefits, especially if you have someone to share your time with. In addition to Haberman's observations, we've come up with five reasons it's a blessing to grow old together.


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Here are 5 marvelous things about married love, from a 90-year-old rabbi:

1. You no longer attempt to find your perfect love or "the one" because you've already found him or her

"You have achieved in old age what you have wanted to if you're fortunate," said Haberman.


2. You accept your spouse's flaws. You learn that you can't change your husband or wife — and you don't have to

The rabbi talks about liberation from the compulsion to set everyone else straight. "We get less frantic and less pushy in advanced age," he said.

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3. You become more conscious of the little things that make your partner great

Haberman said, "One of the most important marks of maturity is gratitude. We're more conscious of the little favors people do."

4. You have more time to spend with your spouse

You've retired so you can take the vacations you always wanted to, you can spend hours talking — or being silent — with one another, and you can bask in the love of your children (if you chose to have them) and grandchildren.


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5. You learn to appreciate your spouse more than ever

"Now that my supply of time has shrunk, I appreciate far more each day, each hour, every bit of new knowledge, and every moment with people I care for," said Haberman.

Isn't this the most romantic thing you've ever read? Love can be the most complicated thing in the world, but at the end of the day, we just want someone to grow old with. I will now have to deal with the high expectations this has given me and the blinding fear that I may not find this at all.

Is this how you feel about getting older and having more maturity in love?


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Sarah Harrison is an editor and content strategist whose work has appeared in The Guardian, Vice, The New York Times, The Independent, and Psychology Today.