11 Little Things That Mean Quite A Lot To A Person You Truly Love
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Everyone says happy relationships take a lot of work, and that can feel daunting. One might imagine long fights and painful therapy sessions when they hear that. But exceptionally smart people know that it's the little things that mean quite a lot, so they do their best to offer them to the person they love regularly.
According to research from UNC social psychology professor Sara Algoe, gratitude and shared fun are two of the biggest "little" things that bond couples and create a happy, healthy relationship. Consistency, support and kindness go a long way, too. That's why these 11 things are so impactful.
1. Showing patience
LightField Studios | Shutterstock
We all make mistakes and have habits we wish we could leave behind. Therapist Jeff Guenther shares exceptionally smart people know that what means the most is to be “a good enough partner, because there’s no such thing as perfect.”
“Be patient,” he advises. “Relationships take time and effort to grow and develop. Take it slow with your partner and offer support and you both evolve into becoming better matches for each other.”
“Everyone has flaws,” he says. “Everyone is annoying and we all have a couple red flags. Focus on finding someone who aligns with your values, shares common interests, and supports you in your goals.”
2. Not judging them for their past
bbernard | Shutterstock
In honest relationships, opening up and being vulnerable with each is essential to building a connection. But it’s nearly impossible to let yourself be vulnerable with a judgmental person.
Of course, everyone judges sometimes. We need to assess someone's trustworthiness and set boundaries based on past behavior. But, if we judge too much, we cut off our ability to grow strong bonds with people who've earned our trust.
As clinical psychologist Dr. Barbara Lavi points out, “The more you trust one another and share things about yourself, the more love unfolds.”
“When we meet, we put our best foot forward. As we get to know our potential partner, we share things we are less confident about. It takes time to share our fears, doubts, secrets, and dreams,” she continues.
“As you dare to share parts of yourself and they do the same, you get a little closer to loving one another, Dr. Lavi concludes. That's why smart people know that these little connections are what mean the most.
3. Setting aside time for connection
TimeImage Production | Shutterstock
Another little thing that means a lot to the person you love is establishing routines that are just for the two of you to share. With a friend, maybe a monthly coffee date or Sunday hike. With your partner, maybe a date night every week.
These routines don’t have to be extravagant or complicated. You don’t even have to leave home to make the time you spend together just a little more special. It's all about prioritizing your relationship or friendship, so you can stay strong.
Staying connected in a world of chaos isn’t always easy, but finding time that you can devote to each other will keep your love strong.
4. Giving them space when needed
Simona Pilolla 2 | Shutterstock
We often hold onto the misconception that being apart makes relationships falter, when in reality, having time to yourself makes your bond even deeper. Exceptionally smart people know when a little break like this will mean the most to the person they love.
As psychotherapist Joan E. Childs explains, “Couples need to have rules to negotiate differences. Many modalities teach couples how to have effective communication, but none of these can be successful without the art of ‘presencing.’”
Childs defines ‘presencing’ as “the willingness to be in the here and now, focused, attuned, and mindful of your partner with an open heart and mind. It includes active listening and patience.”
It’s hard to be mindful when you or the person you love is on the edge of exploding, which is why giving each other space is a healthy way to approach conflicts. Space is a little thing that means a lot to the person you love.
Giving a friend or partner space can also be like preventative care, giving them time alone to exercise, read quietly or simply spend time alone.
5. Sharing love and appreciation out loud
fizkes | Shutterstock
A little thing that often means the most to the person we love is letting them know how we feel. Even though words can be cheap, sometimes, verbal affirmations are incredibly meaningful when backed by someone's behavior, too.
There are more than one way to tell the person you love that you love them. First, simply say "I love you" in a moment when it's less rote or routine, like in the middle of dinner rather than just before hanging up the phone.
You can also say sweet little things. Tell them that you love how they can’t remember the lyrics to any songs, but that doesn't stop them from singing along. You can tell them how you feel safe with them, how much they make you laugh.
Exceptionally smart people know that it has to go deeper than habits. When it coms to the person they love the most, these little things mean a lot.
6. Random acts of helpfulness
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
Random acts of helpfulness are little things can be incredibly meaningful when done for the person you love the most.
While some people, including some experts, say the theory of love languages might not hold any water, there’s major value to be found in finding out what little actions mean the most to your partner. Exceptionally smart people learn what has the most impact to the person they love, and do those things.
That might mean buying a dozen eggs to replace the ones you used for your epic Sunday Brunch frittata. It might mean not only folding the laundry but also putting it away. Being randomly helpful means offering to run errands after the person you love had a hard week or sitting next to them on the couch and letting them vent about that hard week, without trying to fix it.
Part of showing your love in action means putting yourself outside of yourself and doing the boring, monotonous tasks that no one really wants to do, but checking them off the list means a lot to the person you love.
7. Putting down the phone and paying attention
SynthEx | Shutterstock
As obvious as this one may seem, it can be the hardest one to do in real life. That's because this one little thing that means a lot to the person you love is putting your phone down and paying attention.
Divorce attorney Ronald Bavaro touches on the topic of “phubbing,” which is a combination of the words “phone” and “snubbing.” The term refers to ignoring your partner in favor of your phone, which is something we all do sometimes, but the more you do it, the more disconnected you become.
“Spouses who phubb each other experience higher rates of depression, resentment, and isolation,” Bavaro points out. “While phubbing, in and of itself, may not directly lead to divorce it certainly can become the tipping point that pushes the relationship over the cliff.”
Smart people know how tempting it can be to look at your phone, even when you're supposed to be connecting with the person you love. They take steps to interrupt that temptation by putting their phone in another room or setting it upside down in "do not disturb" mode.
8. Little gifts and surprises
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Offering small surprises to the person one loves is one of the most meaningful signs of love and connection. Often, we think gifts have to be expensive or fancy. We think that date nights have to be planned months in advance and involve something like a hot air balloon ride.
The truth is, small surprises mean a lot to the person you love, and they don’t have to look like much to someone on the outside. They just have to be tailored to the person you love: little treats, a pretty leaf found during the fall, a pretty pebble from the beach where you met.
These little surprises can also be things like cooking their favorite meal or making them a playlist of their favorite song. Smart people know that these little things reinforce that you know them, but they also remind them that you think they're important.
9. Lifting them up in moments of doubt
Face Stock | Shutterstock
Another little thing that means a lot to the person you love is lifting them up in moments of doubt, when they feel overwhelmed or nervous. Exceptionally smart people know what helps buoy their partner, and they do what matters most when their loved one is having a tough day.
On days when they feel like they can’t do anything right, smart people know that the first thing to do is let your partner know that you see them for who they really are. Remind them of their power, their strength, their inherent worth. Give them the gentle ego boost they need to feel better, and celebrate their wins, once they inevitably succeed.
10. Sharing everyday joys
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
When you truly love someone, you let them see the world the way you see it. When something wonderful, or even just a little fun, happens, you tell them. When you see something beautiful, you snap a pic and send it to them.
These little things may seem silly when you're first dating. But, as life coach Mitzi Bockmann points out, when you’re in a relationship with “The One,” you feel hopeful.
“Someone in a solid, healthy relationship is someone who looks forward with hope and knows that the weekend will be amazing, even if you're just staying home,” she explains. “You're on the same page as your partner about the future, and that feels good! You know that no matter what, your relationship will prevail.”
Sharing little moments of joy helps maintain that hopefulness.
11. Giving them the benefit of the doubt
Gpointstudio | Shutterstock
Some people assume the worst of their partner, toward the end of a relationship. Whether it's a dubiousness that is earned by a partner who has proven untrustworthy or someone who is unjustifiably negative, this habit causes enormous harm to a relationship.
Smart people know that giving their loved one the benefit of the doubt means a lot. It has an enormous impact on the tone and health of their relationship. Research even shows that people who default to assigning negative intent tend to have worse relationships and are overall less happy.
Giving someone the benefit of the doubt means that you clarify what's happening when someone says something hurtful or uses a harsh tone. Instead of responding to one of those things with something like, "Why are you being rude to me right now?" you could say, "Your tone makes me think something is wrong. What's going on?"
This seems like a slight change, but it gives the other person an opportunity to clarify. Most often, they don't intend to be rude or grumpy or hurtful. When you give them the benefit of the doubt, you can avoid accusations and defensive reactions that often unravel into unnecessary fights.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
