There Are 3 Kinds Of Men Incapable Of Healthy Relationships
These types of guys aren't capable of stable love.
dem10, Elnur | Canva This article, although not designed to generalize, describes several types of men to consider not partnering with and why. The stories gathered here are some caveats from women who have been there and may help save you some time and energy in your pursuit. The stories are not intended to offend you and they may even remind you of or sound like your brother, friend, or boyfriend. They are offered for you to take from them what works for you and leave the rest.
Here are 3 types of men incapable of healthy relationships:
1. The separated and fancy-free guy
Jill was delighted when she met George. He was interesting and funny, a stand-up comedian by night and a geology professor by day. They dated in an old-fashioned way at first. It was enjoyable. That, in itself, may have been positive for Jill to experience. However, on their fifth date, when George told Jill that he was married, she was shocked. He didn't act like a married man.
He went on to explain how he was separated and the marriage had been over emotionally for a long while. He justified it by the fact that he had slept on the couch for the last several months before moving out the week before the two of them started dating. Should she have run then? Probably but she didn't. The chemicals of attraction were strong between them and she liked him at the time. She soon found out he had three children. They dated and it became more serious. He wanted to "show her off" to his friends. She was younger than him and very attractive. He was thrilled.
One night, as she was making him dinner in her home, his wife called. They dueled verbally over the phone for a few minutes. Much to Jill's disgust, he stood in her bedroom while calling his wife cruel names. Should she have run then? She still didn't. And so, the experience ended months later with Jill feeling that she had been used for her youth and intimacy. Even though George would have never agreed with that, the proof was in the fact that he was not interested in getting into a serious relationship. He was sewing his wild oats. Again, in his fifties.
After the fact, Jill felt truly sorry for his soon-to-be ex-wife. Stunted growth and immaturity were rampant with this man who could have used the time he was separated to work on himself and become more emotionally mature. Instead, he trolled for intimacy that he could not feel guilty about because he entered into a relationship for it. This kind of man usually considers himself "a good guy." He will take you out on fun dates and will behave in a way that indicates he is evolved and conscious. Be wary, though, as he may very well not be. Men who are leaving or have recently left marriages or long-term relationships, if emotionally mature, will usually take some time to process and learn before moving on to the next real relationship. Don't be the separated and fancy-free guy's rebound unless you are fully conscious about it and even then, think twice.
2. The terminal bachelor
The terminal bachelor can be identified in several ways:
- He is over 45 and has never been married.
- He has children with one or more women to whom he was never married.
- He states he does not believe in marriage.
The terminal bachelor fits one or more of the above criteria. Another important identifying trait is that he does not respect women. That is a bit more tricky to suss out but it is highly important nonetheless. Some identifying signs that a man doesn't respect women are that he has a strong interest in adult videos, enjoys misogynistic jokes, tends to forward emails and blogs about adult videos, and participates in sharing bad jokes.
The terminal bachelor is still a human being who may display some of his vulnerability to you. He will put his most sensitive foot forward so you will like him, approve of him, and typically also so you will be intimate with him (hopefully repeatedly). For the terminal bachelor, a girlfriend = regular intimacy. He probably enjoys the companionship, too, but the intimacy is a big draw. A relationship with the terminal bachelor usually includes settling for a less spiritual connection than you crave. Skip it and choose yourself; wait for the real thing.
3. The cheater AKA the low self-esteemer
The cheater. Is he an intimacy addict? Possibly. He may seem wonderful, handsome, funny, charming, and sensitive. If he tells you he has cheated on every girlfriend before you, he will do it again. No, you aren't different. He has something wrong internally and you can't fix it. The cheater will display pride in his "conquests." He may be sly about it or obvious as the cheater type comes in many forms.
- He may be the aloof, alpha male, like a captain of a sports team.
- He may be seemingly sensitive. Do not mistake a tendency to be a stoner with sensitivity, mellowness, or spirituality. If it is not induced, it is not authentic.
- He may be shy. He thinks he doesn't get many dates. He feels you are a major conquest and, right or not, it feeds your ego. When he has the opportunity to acquire another conquest, however, he will take it.
The cheater could also be called the "low self-esteemer. He has low self-esteem, even if in some cases he has a big ego and seems arrogant. Don't be fooled; the cheater is a little boy on the inside who doesn't feel good about himself. He seeks outside of himself for validation of his worthiness, attractiveness, and intimate prowess. He is addicted to that validation and will always be that way unless he goes through significant psychotherapy, usually for years. My advice: just don't go there.
Amy Leigh Mercree is a medical intuitive, bestselling author, media personality, and wellness coach. She speaks internationally, focusing on kindness, joy, and compassion.