Intimacy Coach Explains Why Couples Who Always Post About Each Other On Social Media Aren't As Much Of A 'Red Flag' As We May Think
There's so much more that goes on in a relationship that we just can't assume from social media posts.
Just Life | Shutterstock You probably don't have to think too hard to identify that one couple on your social media feed who feels the need to proclaim their love for each other with cringeworthy paragraphs and countless photos of each other. The ones who turn every mundane moment into an opportunity to show off on social media.
As an outsider looking in, it can be easy to believe that a relationship that solely exists on social media either won't last or isn't as healthy as that couple may want others to think. However, an intimacy coach and hypnotherapist named Katy Shelor revealed that there are too many factors at play to consider before immediately believing a couple that always posts about each other online isn't overcompensating at all.
She said couples who always post about each other on social media aren't as much of a 'red flag' as we may think.
"So, the more lovey-dovey posts a couple posts, is this actually a red flag? I wanted to talk about this," Shelor began in her video. She explained that there's a theory that couples who constantly post about each other on social media are actually covering up underlying issues that they don't want the public to know about.
So, instead, they keep up the picture-perfect image that they're still madly in love with each other. Of course, this is a rather generalized way of viewing couples, as not every person who posts photos of their significant other has suddenly hit a rough patch in their relationship.
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Shelor insisted that there are so many more elements to this kind of thinking besides immediately jumping to the conclusion that only couples who are having serious issues are the ones who post every minute of every day on Instagram about their relationship.
Shelor quickly debunked this theory, pointing out that it isn't always true that couples must be going through something if they're constantly posting about each other on Instagram or other social media platforms. "First, you know, you have to always remind yourself not to get into the comparison game."
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Shelor continued, "Looking through other people's feeds and looking at their couple's romantic photos and their anniversary posts can make you feel like, 'My god. They've got it all figured out. Don't they?' But we know that that's not actually true."
Shelor argued that there isn't enough research to determine the health of a couple's relationship based on a few social media posts you may stumble across. There are the little bits and pieces that may suggest a hint of insecurity at the very least, Shelor observed, but for some people, sharing their relationship online means they're just happy.
Rather than looking at a couple's social media posts to gauge their relationship status, our attachment styles may say more.
According to Psychology Today, attachment styles affect everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress to even how a relationship will eventually end.
While conducting research, Dr. Phillip Shaver and Dr. Cindy Hazan found that about 60% of people have a secure attachment, 20% have an avoidant attachment, and 20% have an anxious attachment.
Securely attached adults tend to be more satisfied in their relationships. They feel secure and connected while allowing themselves and their partner to move freely. People with anxious attachments tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond. Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them.
People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment tend to emotionally distance themselves from their partner. They may seek isolation and come off as solely focused on themselves, and finally, people with fearful-avoidant attachment live in an ambivalent state, in which they are afraid of being both too close to or too distant from others.
Individuals with these various attachment styles may influence different aspects of a relationship, including posting about each other on social media or refraining from it altogether. It's not always about how much or how little a couple shares online, but the dynamics of their unique attachment styles and their individual personalities, too. We can't just assume certain things about couples as an outsider looking in, no matter how tempting it may be.
Social media just offers a glimpse into a person's life, it's a highlight reel and far from the whole picture. So, before jumping to conclusions, take a step back and remember that life is much more than a single photo posted to the internet.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.