3 Ingrained, Biological Secrets Behind How He Picks His Future Wife

The science behind great intimacy.

Last updated on Jul 07, 2024

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Everyone wants a great intimate life, but few people know how to achieve it and even fewer know how to maintain it in a long-term relationship. Couples try new positions and look for intimate things to wear. They try to improve their communication and relationship skills. But to have a really hot love life you have to know the secrets of what it means to be male and female. And learn the dance of creative connection


Here are 3 ingrained, biological secrets behind how he picks his future wife:

1.  Men and women are very different

When I got my first bicycle and was told the "boy bikes" had a bar across and the "girl" bikes didn’t, I rebelled. I was well aware that boys had vulnerable parts that hung down in front and that riding a bike could be a dangerous activity (particularly when learning). It was obvious to me that bouncing off the seat onto a hard metal bar was not good for my boy parts and I would be much safer having a bike with a scoop in front. The bottom line is that I did get teased for riding my bike, and I learned to stand up for my male essence. 


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2. Sperm is expendable, eggs are not

Whether they are studying ferns, fish, or human beings, males are the ones who produce lots of small gametes (sex cells) and females are the ones who produce a smaller number of larger gametes. 

Nature has worked it out for the small gametes to fuse with the large gametes to begin the process of creating the next generation. Since it’s easier to move the small gametes to the large ones, rather than vice versa, it is the sperm that seeks out the egg and must then be "chosen." How big are eggs compared to sperm? Although the human egg is microscopic, it's large enough to house 250,000 sperm. Eggs weigh 85,000 times as much as sperm. The bottom line is biologically speaking eggs (and women) are the more valuable resource. Sperm (and men) are more expendable. 


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3. Yes, even men become emotionally attached

If you want great intimacy and love that lasts forever and never gets boring, there are some things you need to know that most of us have never learned. Forget about learning how to argue better. Forget about analyzing your early childhood experiences and how you’ve been wounded. Forget about experimenting with new positions or finding new toys.

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Instead, get to the emotional underpinnings of your relationship by recognizing that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child relies on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection. This is the key to a great intimacy and love life. Bottom line: most of us are still under the mistaken belief that "real men" and "real women" must put away childish attachments and "grow up." We know that children won't flourish without nurturing, touch, and affection from their parents. Well, adults need the same things. 


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Jed Diamond is a licensed psychotherapist with a Ph.D. in International Health and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. He is the author of The Whole Man Program: Reinvigorating Your Body, Mind, and Spirit.