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Want to know if it'll last? He'll tell you if you listen.
By Michele Molitor — Written on Feb 18, 2023
Dating in today’s world seems to be full of smoke and mirrors. And yet, you’ve found someone that you really connect with, finally.
You’re excited to get to know him better, but you’re at a loss for how to learn what he truly wants for the future.
What are his true hopes and dreams that can help you determine if you have a future together?
You need to understand his aspirations, values, and goals can provide valuable insight into his personality and priorities, and whether he is a good match for you for the short term or the long term.
How do you discover that? Yes, you should ask him, but it's about so much more than that. It's about listening, observing and paying attention.
Here are nine steps to help you uncover a man's true hopes and dreams — and understand how well you’re matched
1. Plan your dates so you have lots of time to talk
Encouraging him to share his thoughts and feelings is great, but if it's loud where you are or there are lots of people around, he may be tempted to give simple explanations and yes/no answers.
Instead, ask open-ended questions like "What do you see yourself doing in five years?" or "What are your biggest aspirations in life?" If you've set yourselves up for quiet and connection, this will be easier to accomplish.
2. Listen attentively
When he shares his hopes and dreams, pay close attention to what he is actually saying. Listen to his tone of voice, notice his body language, and the words he chooses to use.
These cues can give you a deeper understanding of what he cares about and what is actually important to him.
3. Be curious
Follow up when he says something about himself.
For example, if he shares that his dream is to start a business, ask him what kind of business he would like to start, and why it is important to him.
4. Explore his core values
Understanding his core values can provide insight into what his emotional motivators and drivers are and what he cares about. Ask him what he considers to be important in life, and what he would stand up for, no matter what.
In addition, it's important to pay attention to his actions. Do they match the values he says he puts forth? Is he kind, generous, strong? A person can say all sorts of things about themselves, but what they choose to do should back that up.
5. Watch how he responds to your interactions
How does he like to be treated and what actions or behaviors feel disrespectful to him? You can learn a great deal from him by understanding what has him feel seen, heard, and respected.
Yes, you should ask him, but you should also watch his body language and non-verbal responses.
6. Look for patterns
As you learn more about his hopes and dreams, look for the patterns in his responses. Does he talk about travel, family, or career goals more frequently? This can give you an idea of what is most important to him.
7. Respect his privacy
Remember that everyone has the right to keep some things private. If he doesn't want to share something, don't push him. Respect his boundaries and trust that he will share with you when he is ready.
8. Be honest and vulnerable
Sharing your own hopes and dreams can encourage him to open up more. Be honest about what you want in life, and what is important to you. Be willing to share your answers to the questions you’re asking of him.
This can help build a deeper connection, trust and intimacy between you, as you encourage him to share more about himself.
9. Learn the ways in which he wants to grow
We are all always learning and growing. Ask him about the areas in life that he wants to learn more about, personally or professionally, emotionally or spiritually. This will help you see if your paths can grow together as you move forward with similar interests.
By learning a man's true hopes and dreams, you can gain a deeper understanding of who he is and what is important to him. This can help you determine if you have a future together and if your values and goals align.
However, it is important to remember that people's hopes and dreams can change over time, and it is important to be open to growth and change in each other.
By learning a man's true hopes and dreams, you can determine if you have a future together and build a strong, meaningful relationship based on mutual respect, trust, and understanding.
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Michele Molitor, CPCC, CHt, is a certified coach and hypnotherapist, and co-author of the book, Breakthrough Healing. She assists high-achieving professionals in reducing their overwhelm and reclaiming their self-confidence, calm and clarity to create a thriving life and career.