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Learn how to always leave them wanting more.
By Darling Magazine — Last updated on Dec 07, 2022
By Jennifer Cho Salaff
She is a mystery. Her only companion? The cup of coffee nestled beside a copy of her favorite book on the little table, poised in front of the chair she's draped with her long wool coat for the crisp mornings in late fall. Though she sits alone at this sidewalk café, she savors the moment, breathing in the cold air that actually smells like the first sign of winter.
She quietly luxuriates in the sights and sounds of the scene unfolding before her, effortlessly pulling her thick, dark hair into a messy bun — the kind where there isn't a single strand of hair out of place. She has nowhere to be. No one is waiting for her elsewhere.
She will stay as long as she likes. And only when she desires to do so will she leave, though no one can be sure quite where she's going. A meeting? A date? Somewhere else to spend her time just as leisurely?
Who is this woman?
She always leaves all of us wanting to know more.
Her intrigue is not to be mistaken with being stand-offish or aloof. Rather, when done with kindness, grace and authenticity, learning to be irresistible and cultivating one’s allure is an empowering way to keep the people you meet fascinated by the person you are inside.
Consider the following five ways to cultivate your own magnetic sense of allure, become more confident and attract the perfect person for you.
How to be more mysterious and sensual
1. Understand that less is more.
Leave things unsaid. In conversation, resist the urge to share too many details or overwhelm your conversational partner with too much information (it’s OK, we’ve all been guilty of TMI).
It’s endearing to be warm, honest and open, but the girl who talks incessantly without letting anyone else have a word in edgewise can leave a person with nothing to ask.
2. Practice good listening.
A nugget of wisdom from Plato: “Wise [wo]men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.”
Hone your powers of observation. Draw people in with your genuine interest in them. This is a magical and meaningful way to open up a new relationship or friendship — slowly, like peeling an artichoke and getting to a person's heart.
3. Stay off the radar.
In an age of social media, over-sharing has become an unfortunate by-product. But maintaining a mysterious element about oneself can leave people wanting more.
Practice some self-restraint, even if for only one day out of the week. Get off your Facebook feed. Refrain from posting your every thought on Twitter. Instagram snaps can wait. Keep them wondering.
4. Revel in solitude.
It can be fantastic for the soul. You are anonymous in your own city. No one knows your name, how old you are, or what you do for a living.
Enjoy sitting alone on a bench at your favorite park. Look around and observe the stories playing out before you in the lives of the people passing by.
Notice the different colors exploding in the sky, the wafting scents in the air, and the feel of your own skin as you fold your hands in your lap.
Take a deep breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. Cherish this moment.
5. Take time for yourself.
Why in such a rush? Remember to daydream. Be in the moment. We live in such a fast-paced culture that we rarely take time to rest.
Take the time to grow, change and invest in others. Take the time to stroll in a garden. Take the time to be quiet. Take the time to ask yourself who you are and what you want.
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Jennifer Cho Salaff is a former newspaper reporter and magazine editor.
This article was originally published at Darling Magazine. Reprinted with permission from the author.