How To Teach — Yes, Teach — Your Lover To Romance You

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Couple snuggled on a couch

Lovers who truly are devoted to us should know what we like and what we don’t, right? They shouldn’t need a manual. We shouldn’t have to spell it out for them, right? Wrong.

It’d be nice if our lovers intuitively knew what we wanted and understood how to be romantic on their own, but they don’t.

Most people have no clue what their lovers want. My husband certainly didn’t. Early on in our relationship, he used to communicate his desire by turning on the "men's" channel for crying out loud.

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Here's how to teach — yes, teach — your lover to romance you:

1. Don't fault the good

You can’t fault your lover for bringing you chocolate when you are on a low-carb diet. You can’t fault them for taking you out for hot wings when they should know already that you despise spicy food. You can’t fault them for buying you flowers when you just want to hear the words, “I love you.”

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2. Give your lover the clues.

This isn’t as easy as it sounds because, if you are like me, you don’t know what you want. How can your lover know what you want if you don’t know yourself? To help figure out what you want, think about these questions:

Romance is the way your lover shows their love for you. What words or actions make you feel adored?

When you watch other happy couples together, what do they have that you pine for?

When you watch romantic movies or read romantic books, what do the characters do or say that makes you swoon?

Think back to when you were happier in your relationship. How did they romance you then?

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3. Talk about it.

Tell them what you want. Explain that you want to feel loved. Say that you need them to show you they adore you.

You need it because of the hard times because, sometimes, you truly don’t know whether or not they give a hoot. Write your detailed romance instruction manual and give it to your lover; let them carry it around in their pocket. It just might make all the difference.

RELATED: How To Be More Romantic For The Person You Love (Even When You're Not The 'Romance Type')

Alisa Bowman is a journalist who has written for numerous national magazines including Women’s Health, Prevention, and Yoga Journal. She's also the author of Project: Happily Ever After, which tells the real-life story of how she went from the brink of divorce to falling back in love.