How Having Multiple Sclerosis Improved My Marriage

It turned my relationship upside down.

By Diana Frustaci — Written on Jul 26, 2022

Photo: lissa93 / Shutterstock

I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2012.

I was 27, turning 28 a few weeks later at the time, and engaged to be married the following year.

One minute I was an excited, expectant bride obsessing over mermaid vs. princess-cut gowns, and the next I was strapped to an IV with steroids pumping through my body to calm the inflammation in my optic nerve.

After that, the changes happened almost overnight. My eye, a victim of optic neuritis, went dark and blind. My body, strong from the steroids but weak once they wore off, became a stranger to me.

I suddenly noticed the tremors in my hand and the way my leg would suddenly become numb in the morning. It all meant one thing: I would have to take better care of myself if I wanted to survive.

And I did. I started going to yoga to improve my balance. I started taking vitamins (hello, Vitamin D) and began eating healthier. I said goodbye to processed foods and embraced fruits and vegetables.

I also dusted life's petty nuances off my shoulders — those minor irritants that used to cause me extreme panic were now put into perspective. Traffic? Who cares? I'm in no hurry. Annoying Facebook post by a frenemy who could afford to be more modest? Not my problem.

Fight with the husband? Well, that took more time to let go. But I did.

And ultimately, I feel the changes I made have helped not only my physical health but my marriage as well.

The first thing I did was learn how to stop reacting.

Whenever I would feel angry or overly passionate, I'd have a physical reaction. Literally. My right eye would twitch and what looked like gray film would envelop my cornea.

I could feel the energy drain from my body, and soon enough my legs would go numb. My hands would prickle with tension.

And so I worked hard to stop reacting — not because it was bad for my marriage, but because it was bad for my body.

I did not want to let my body succumb to weakness or pain because of something I perceived to be "right" or "wrong." It simply wasn't worth it — not for me or my marriage.

But my attitude adjustment didn't happen overnight. It was a gradual process, but eventually, I was able to regulate my reactions.

First, I had to kill my darlings: Just because I had something clever to say didn't mean I should say it, especially if it was going to cause a fight or hurt his feelings.

So when I would get upset, I would try to understand the real issue. Instead of involving my husband, I finally listened to my therapist and involved my pen and paper.

And thus, my love of journaling to resolve issues was born. When an issue would arise, I would work through the process on paper. Was I being irrational? Was I being petty? Did this really matter in the long run? And if it did, was now the time to fix it?

Before long, I was able to just be — without having to comment and pick on everything, even if I saw and noticed everything (and trust me, I did).

For instance, once my husband and I were hanging out in the living room when he said something that upset me. It was a reoccurring issue, and one I wasn't even sure I was right about, but I did not respond to him.

Instead, I left the room. Once away from the pressure and tension, I took to my journal and started transcribing my feelings.

I was mean and clever in my writing, and by the time I was done scribbling my passionate points about what a jerk I thought my husband was being, I felt better.