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His mother-son relationship can tell you a lot about your future.
By Laura Lifshitz — Last updated on Feb 16, 2023
It doesn't matter whether he loves men or women — a man's relationship with his mother will create severe lines and crevices in his personality.
It's the first person he had a close and connected relationship with (in most cases) and is, in many circumstances, the person who shaped his values and outlook on the world.
When you meet a man, take heed of what sort of relationship he has with his mom. It will reveal quite a bit about who he is as a person or, at the very least, how he relates to his romantic partners.
How a man treats his mother says a lot about him. Here are six examples of mother-son relationship dynamics and their related insights.
How a man's relationship with his mother affects his relationship with you
1. If he avoids his mother altogether ...
Does he spend a lot of time avoiding his mother, not because he's a forgetful man but because she creates anxiety or distress for him? He can't put her in her place if she upsets him; he's a people-pleaser and not very confident. Also, he's afraid if he tells her how he feels, he will either upset her or get more flack from her.
He is known as a "nice guy" and liked by others, but he floats underneath the surface, meaning he doesn't engage hardcore in social activities or the community. If you are an outgoing partner, you won't thrive with this man. If you like operating under the radar, this dude is the one for you.
He can be a little passive-aggressive, but he is not likely to leave you if he commits to you.
Why? Commitment to him probably produces anxiety, so if he's decided to deal with the anxiety and stay with you, you're a keeper to him. It takes a lot for him to deal with problems head-on, so expect deep conversations and fights to be complicated.
2. If his mother dictates his life ...
He can't do or say anything without "Mommy's approval," even if he's forty.
Dare I say it? Run!
Yes, this man will dote on you and spoil you. Yes, this man believes that women are essential and valued. All positives, no? Of course, they are.
The problem becomes that there can only be one Queen Bee in his world, and that, my dear is not you. It's her.
This means that any major decision he makes will be predicated on what she wants and not what you two want as a couple. He is a loving and affectionate guy who is everyone's best friend. No one has a bad word to say about him.
He is generous in spirit and loyal as a puppy, but ultimately his view of you will always be shaped by that seen or unseen force: Mommy dearest.
3. If he openly hates his mother ...
This guy has a chip on his shoulder that is so big; it amazes people that he can walk through the door. He's a hustler and a great businessman but has the bite of a rattlesnake. Watch out!
He has a tumultuous relationship with his mother that is rooted from day one, and it's not pretty. Either she is a hot mess, or somehow, at some point, she is disappointed or lets him down so badly that she can't get on the right foot with him. He holds a grudge at any and all costs, so involving yourself with him would mean catering to his needs.
For all his temper, though, he has an appealing dramatism and emotional component that borders on charisma.
He is a broken bad boy, and women love this, and he loves women ... to a point. He loves them when they're behaving as they should and not when they're behaving as they shouldn't. Chauvinist much? Oh yes.
The reality is he's afraid of the power a woman could have over him, so he has a ton of girlfriends, and, somehow, none of them measure up. He is also prone to complaining about his mother and garnering sympathy for his broken childhood.
If you're considering dating a type like this, here's what I have to offer: Don't do it!
4. If he's afraid of disappointing his mother ...
He is close to his mom, but she doesn't dictate his life. Nope, instead, he has an intense fear that he will disappoint her, and he tends to sneak around to do what he wants to do, especially if he thinks she won't give the thumbs up.
He tends to be a sneaky and crafty person, taking all kinds of risks and usually succeeding at them, but if you're involved with him, you'll have to get involved in his little escapades, which can get old quickly.
He wants to please you because he hates confrontation, but you can see him saying "yes" to you but then doing what he wanted to do in the first place. It's a little annoying.
5. If he completely clings to his mother ...
He is with her often, and while she doesn't call the shots, he is constantly touching base with her. So much that, guess what? She knows about all of her son's relationship squabbles!
He has great respect for women and is eager to hear his partner's opinion, but he's also immature and unable to call the shots on his own. He is the first person to help anyone else out in the family, which is lovely, but he also tends to talk behind people's backs, complaining about his duty while at the same time feeling like he must be dutiful.
He needs a strong woman because he's a bit dependent on others.
6. If his mother is his best friend ...
If he befriends his mother yet can speak out if she upsets him, you have a confident man on your hands.
You have a man who is not threatened by women but stimulated by them. He enjoys romantic partnerships and loves the thrill of an argument, so if you are a bit passive or not confident, he will not be the one for you.
His mom probably knows more about his relationships than a romantic partner would like, but if his mom doesn't like the person he loves, he's quick to tell her to back the F up if need be.
He's got many female friends, which could be fodder for jealousy, and he isn't quick to commit, but when he does commit, he's pretty taken in with the love interest he has chosen.
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Laura Lifshitz writes about divorce, relationships, women's issues, parenting for the New York Times, Women's Health, Working Mother, PopSugar, and more.