16 Habits That Make A Real Man Stand Out In A World Full Of Immature Boys, According To Dating Experts
Habits that separate the men from the man-children, according to a top dating expert.
Shlomi Glantz | Unsplash In a world where chivalry and courtship seem to be the stuff of history books, and men complain that they shouldn’t have to pay for dinner if women want equality, it is plain to see that we need to bring some dignity back to dating and relationships.
As a gentleman in the modern era, you immediately set yourself apart by how you carry yourself, how you present yourself, and how you treat others. Being a gentleman is nothing more than holding higher standards for yourself than most of the population; this is why being a male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of age, but being a gentleman is a matter of choice.
But let’s cut to the chase. What can you do, realistically, in today’s dating world to attract a mature woman who is tired of playing games? Here's how to be a gentleman and keep a woman interested in you, whether it's a first date or a relationship.
Here are the habits that make a real man stand out in a world of immature boys:
1. Stay humble
Yes, evolution and biology tell us that the biggest, baddest dog in the yard gets the girl. Hence, the brightest-colored male birds find their mate. The strongest gorilla passes its genes to the next generation. The strongest lion leads the pride.
But what is necessary to the evolution of our species (and therefore attractive) is evolving, itself. Women who make their own money and have their own possessions are not impressed by yours. Sure, she will want to know you are ambitious and can match her efforts in life, but bragging about who you’ve met or what you drive, or where you live, will send her running for the hills.
Remember: If you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. But if you’re great, everyone will tell you.
2. Clean up your mouth
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Alright, I can swear like a drunken sailor with the best of them, but there is a time and place for everything. In the presence of a lady in a dating scenario, try to clean it up a little bit.
It’s one thing when you’ve become comfortable enough with each other to take off the filter, but for Pete’s sake, man, censor yourself at first.
3. Don't start eating until her food comes out
Unless her food has come out, too. Remember, ladies first.
While research does not directly address the scenario of a man waiting to eat until a woman receives her food, the act of prioritizing someone's experience and needs can be seen as a positive display of consideration and chivalry. This behavior aligns with social norms and expectations regarding politeness and respect in social interactions.
4. Don't talk badly about others
There is nothing attractive about someone who has to make others look bad to make himself look better. If you are complaining about the people in your life, your date will begin to wonder what type of negative things you may say about her when she’s not around. Also, it shows poor judgment if you surround yourself with idiots.
5. Be punctual
If you are picking her up at 7 PM, be there at 7 PM. It’s not just a matter of being on time, it’s a matter of showing her early on that you stand by what you say, are reliable, and trustworthy.
6. Stand up and greet her if you are meeting her somewhere
I would much rather pick a woman up for a date and have never had someone suggest that we meet somewhere because she was uncomfortable with me knowing her address, but I understand in the age of online dating, sometimes this trust is a little harder to come by.
For this reason, some women who are tired of playing games may insist you meet at your destination. If this is the case, arrive first (never keep a lady waiting) and stand to greet her when she does arrive.
Non-verbal cues like body language, including standing up, can carry more weight in interactions than verbal communication. Dr. Emily Cook, a marriage and family therapist, notes that our brains often prioritize nonverbal cues over verbal ones, as they are considered more authentic.
7. Maintain eye contact
Don’t break a sweat doing your best not to blink and to stare into her eyes all night long ... that would just be weird. But spending the evening staring at your shoes or the tablecloth is a great way to show your date that you haven’t quite mustered up the self-confidence to have an adult conversation with her.
I understand it can be nerve-wracking to get to know someone new, particularly in a one-on-one situation. But when your nerves begin to get to you, remember that she is out with you because she is interested in you as well. Good eye contact is important, particularly when listening to her. It lets her know you’re paying attention.
8. Be kind to everyone
I have always said that a person who is not nice to the waiter, waitress, or bartender is not a nice person. They can get everything right with how they treat you, but if they are rude to people they’re not trying to impress, this is a big red flag.
A gentleman is not kind to others because of who they are, he is kind to others because of who he is.
9. Keep your cell phone away at all times
Unless you are an on-call doctor or the president, your emails can wait. Studies suggest that a man putting away his cell phone on a date can create a positive impression by demonstrating focus, respect, and a desire for meaningful connection. This behavior can signal a level of thoughtfulness and appreciation for the date's presence, making him stand out in a world often dominated by digital distractions.
10. Pay for dinner
All of it. The whole bill. The entire thing. It’s not about the money, it’s about the gesture.
11. Open doors for her
The primary reason a man opening doors for a woman makes him stand out is due to perceived politeness and chivalry, which can be seen as a positive social cue. Research suggests that these actions can be interpreted as signs of respect and consideration, which makes the man stand out in a positive light.
12. Allow her to go first
When being seated at a restaurant, allow her to go first and follow behind the host or hostess. When walking through a more crowded place, though, you lead and help clear the path for her.
For an added bit of charm, casually extend your hand behind you for her to hold onto. If she takes it while following you, take this as a good sign.
13. When walking together, walk closest to the street
The purpose of this lost art is to show your willingness to be splashed instead of a woman should a passing car run through a puddle.
Furthermore, in some countries, people would throw trash out of windows, and the person walking closer to the building was less likely to be hit. It’s an effortless way to show her that you care, and are willing to protect her.
14. Put your napkin on your lap
It’s basic etiquette, you savage. While there isn't specific research that states a man putting a napkin on his lap makes him stand out, it's a subtle signal of respect and attention to etiquette, which can positively influence how others perceive him. Proper napkin etiquette demonstrates awareness of social norms and can be seen as a sign of consideration and refinement.
15. Do not have an end goal for the date
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If your intentions for the evening are to take this woman home at the end of the night or something of the sort, she will be able to see right through you the entire time. This is a great way to ensure never getting a second date with her.
It is important to understand that if you are out with the right woman, there is no goal or final objective to be pursued with her. Time with her is the goal.
Sharing an evening with her is the objective. Your time together is the entire point, therefore, there is no “end” to work towards because if you do things right, you will be seeing her again soon anyway.
16. Always gauge her comfort level
Perhaps one of the more difficult but valuable things for men to do is to learn to read women, especially those who are tired of playing games. Picking up on non-verbal cues, body language, and subtle facial expressions can change the entire course of your evening. It will tell you if you should or shouldn’t go for the kiss, should or shouldn’t suggest you go somewhere else after dinner, and should or shouldn’t invite her back to your place for a drink.
Non-verbal communication is a very important piece of the puzzle. You will have far better chances with a woman if you can see she is tired or not feeling well and go home, than if you were to just hang around and overstay your welcome.
Patience is an important tool in any gentleman’s arsenal. Never rush her, never make her feel pressured, and never force yourself on her in any way.
Unfortunately, these simple guidelines are overlooked more often than not in today’s society. But the good news is, as a gentleman, it is easy to separate yourself from the crowd by putting in just a little bit more effort.
It will be appreciated, gentlemen, because the frustrated women of today are looking for you.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach. He has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
