5 Habits Of Couples Who Always Tend To Resolve Arguments Quickly With Grace
Work through disagreements without ruining your relationship.
cottonbro studio | Pexels Everyone dreams of having a perfect relationship where there is only love, and you never have any arguments. But of course, that is just a dream.
The reality is, all relationships have their challenges, and all relationships have their arguments. Relationship fights are sometimes unavoidable. We know just because we fight with our partner or spouse doesn't mean we are heading for a divorce. But it's natural to feel scared.
Dr. Stan Tatkin, a couples therapist and author of Wired For Dating, explained how a couple can fight without ruining their relationship. The key, he says, is learning how to communicate better.
5 habits of couples who always tend to resolve arguments quickly with grace
1. Face each other when you argue
Avoid fighting on the phone, via texts, or in the car.
It's important that you can look into each other's eyes when you disagree, so you can see how your partner is feeling and how they still love you, despite whatever is bothering them.
2. Actually listen — don't just wait to talk
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Listen to the words they are saying and to what their body language is telling you.
Your partner's face may be showing important clues to what they are looking for or feeling, that they aren't able to express as well verbally.
Make sure you're really listening with all your senses.
3. Try to see their side, even if you don't agree
In an argument, both sides have something they believe, something they are fighting for.
But nothing will change if you both remain stubborn and refuse to see things from the other's point of view.
The Gottman Institute advised, "Once you accept the idea that in every disagreement there are always two valid points of view, it’s no longer necessary to argue for your own position. Instead, you can empathize with your partner’s feelings and really understand their “island.” This doesn’t mean you have to agree, but it’s vital that you understand where they are coming from. When you do this and your partner does this for you, it becomes much easier to find a solution that works for both of you."
4. Don’t drag the fight out
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Staying angry and stressed over a long period of time isn't good for the body, the mind, or your relationship. One study even found that engaging regularly in petty squabbles may triple your risk of dying from stress-related diseases!
Take a minute and change the conversation, even to ask about something small like dinner or the weather. Something to remind both you and your partner that you might be arguing about something now, but you both still love each other.
5. Clear the air before moving on
Often, we say things in fights that we don't actually mean. Knowing it was only said in the heat of the moment, however, doesn't take away the pain the other person feels.
Make sure you and your partner immediately apologize for any hurt feelings you may have caused and work on fixing it.
Otherwise, your next fight will only bring back the hard feelings, which will destroy any chance of peaceful and effective communication.
Sometimes, the fighting does lead to a breakup. The key is not to let a disagreement ruin your relationship and to fight the right way by learning how to communicate better with your partner.
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, teacher, and developer of A Psychological Approach To Couples Therapy (PACT). He specializes in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships.
Estee Kahn is a writer, amateur photographer, and former YourTango contributor who writes all about dating, relationships, friendships, lifestyle, and family.
