Experts Say It’s Totally Fine To Fib About These 3 Things In Marriage To Keep Your Spouse Happy
Not all honesty is helpful.
Dean Drobot | Canva Deception, lying, manipulation, dishonesty, and fibs are varying degrees of the same action. So, when we consciously choose to enter into a lie for the benefit of another, we need to be cautious. How big is the lie? Is it deception? Is it a lie to manipulate? Or are you bending or rewording the truth a little to save your partner from unnecessary emotional turmoil?
A 2008 study from the American Psychological Association (APA) found that, "Attachment-related anxiety was positively related to frequency of lying to strangers and best friends, while attachment avoidance primarily related to deception towards one's romantic partner." The rules and agreements within your relationship are something to consider before you bend the truth. Have you agreed to always be honest with each other?
Here are three things it’s fine to fib about to keep your spouse happy, say experts:
1. Telling your spouse they're the most attractive person you've ever met
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Relationship Coach Reta Walker, Ph.D. says there are times when your spouse benefits when you omit the whole truth, and while I don't believe you should lie when faced with a direct question, it is poor judgment to talk about the attributes of former partners, your partner's inadequacies, or deliver any form of truth that may be hurtful.
Having said this, at the right moment, I will use a superlative that is not entirely true to make my spouse happy. You are the kindest man I have ever met, you are the most handsome man in the world, and so on.
2. Not sharing when you find someone else attractive
Life Coach Ed Latimore suggests not so much to lie, but to reword. For example, never admit that you find someone else attractive. If necessary, you can discuss positive aspects of personality and presentation, but never mention the physical traits or ways you find them attractive.
The difference between "I like the way that person looks" and "that person looks nice" is subtle but can make all the difference, no matter how secure you think a person is. Sure, some people can handle it, but why find out the hard way if that person is your spouse?
3. Saying, 'You are absolutely right' to keep the peace
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When you are in a fight with your significant other, you can immediately deflate the situation by telling them you're sorry or that they are right, advises write and editor Rebecca Jane Stokes.
This takes your partner out of their defensive position, making it easier for the two of you to take the tension down a few notches and sort out whatever's going on.
"Lies tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies," sang Fleetwood Mac, and so there must be good lies and bad lies. Breaking up lies and keeping us together lies. Sometimes, we lie to those we love the most so they can feel good, and we can keep the emotional waters calm.
When it is all said and done, can you live with the lie or the "not exactly complete truth" you tell? Does one little lie open the door in your behavior for more lies to flow through?
A BYU study on honesty and deception in intimate relationships showed, "Understanding how honesty and deception are experienced in relationships can help couples be more aware of how their actions and their partner's actions impact their relationship."
The decision to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth rests on you and how well you know yourself and your spouse or partner.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
