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What he does may seem directed at you...but it isn't.
By Mimi Tanner — Written on May 19, 2022
After a fun exchange of messages between you and your guy, suddenly he goes silent without explanation.
What happened? Should you worry about what you said or did that put him off?
No, because chances are, you did nothing that put him off. In fact, he's still interested in you. He's just being a guy! And he thinks everything's just fine!
My friend Emily has been so excited about meeting her boyfriend Mark's family for the first time. A family gathering is taking place in two weeks and she can hardly wait. Then, today, Mark tells her plans have changed. He can't make it to the family gathering. Suddenly, he has to work!
Emily was cool about it to Mark, but to me, she could not contain her disappointment.
"Is something wrong? Is there some reason he doesn't want me to meet his family?"
I assure Emily that she's handling this situation just fine — by not making a big deal of it.
"But should I talk this over with him?" Emily wants to know.
Absolutely not! Take him at his word. Believe him and be fine with it. The alternative is to fall apart over a situation that is as innocent as blueberry pie.
A wise woman knows this: don't take everything a guy does personally. Sometimes, what he does seems personal, but really, his head is someplace else!
The truth is, he often has no idea how his actions affect you. He may very well be totally oblivious that what he's doing seems directed at you! He's thinking about a hundred other things. (Okay, maybe a dozen.)
It's rare for a man to take specific actions to send you a silent, stern message. So, the last thing you should do is to make a molehill into a mountain.
In other words, if you're tempted to "have a talk" with him because you're taking something personally, try this instead: Be confident that nothing's wrong. Your confidence in his continued affection becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Believing that everything's okay makes you the woman he can relax with. Compare that with the woman who needs to analyze his every move and hash everything out in endless discussions.
You decide what to do from here, but don't make the mistake of thinking that he's being a cad on purpose.
What do guys do "on purpose"? Usually, practical and purposeful actions.
So let "guy-think" work in your favor. He's probably already forgotten about what you're dwelling on! He stays in the now, while you may be staying in the past! His impression of you is based on "right now."
And that's to your advantage because it means you can forget the blunders of the past.
Are you happy with your life? Taking care of yourself? Right now?
"Right now" is what he responds to. He doesn't need to know how frustrated you are with him at times. Often, that frustration comes from not understanding his point of view.
Taking everything personally removes the fun from your relationship — not just for you, but for him, too, if he constantly has to reassure you that everything's fine.
When you truly understand his point of view, your frustration turns into relaxation. Your trusting attitude goes a long way toward being the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
So let your first instinct be to have faith that everything is fine between you and him.
Don't wonder if he's losing interest. Don't take everything he does personally. You can pull this off!
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Mimi Tanner is the author of The Reverse Ultimatum: A Step-By-Step Plan To Make Him Realize YOU'RE the ONE He Wants To Marry