Why I Don't Like It When My Husband Buys Me Flowers

Call me unromantic, but I just don't get why a woman would ever want a man to buy her flowers.

woman with flowers Pressmaster / Shutterstock

Our entire relationship — from dating to being parents of two — my husband and I have never had much of a disposable income. We've always been in school or moving across the country or having a baby, and have never until recently, had two incomes.

In addition, I'm a very budget-conscious person and the idea of spending $60 on twelve (twelve!) roses makes me cringe.

So, early on in our relationship, I made it clear to my husband that I thought buying flowers was a waste of money and wouldn't appreciate them as a gift.


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Call me unromantic if you must, but gifts aren't really my love language, and when they aren't practical, they actually give me anxiety. So flowers that are expensive and must be thrown out within a couple of weeks are just about the most anxiety-inducing gift I can imagine.

Now that money isn't as much of an issue for us, I'm discovering a deeper reason for my aversion to being gifted flowers by my husband.

Our relationship bucks tradition in many ways — from eloping, to creating a new last name, to having our babies at home, to living in an RV with grand plans of traveling the nation — so the idea that my husband would feel societal pressures to buy me fresh (AKA dead) flowers to show his love for me just doesn't sit right.


I don't think he should have to buy flowers, candy, or jewelry to prove that he's a "good husband," and I don't think any of those things set a good example for our children of what it means to be a supportive and loving partner.

I'd rather him spend a little time coming up with a more creative and meaningful way to show his love and appreciation for me.

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Not to mention, my husband doesn't know the first thing about fresh-cut flowers or my tastes for them, so the likelihood that he picks out a bunch that I love is pretty slim.

On the other hand, he's an avid gardener and knows a lot about living plants, so it's a much better use of his talents and our budget for him to buy something for the garden or gift me a living plant that he can then take care of all year.


Last year for Mother's Day, he bought me a gorgeous orchid and I enjoyed its blooms for a few weeks — and then they wilted.

My husband didn't give up on it (like I probably would have); he watered it each week, pruned it when necessary, and now it's blooming again, just in time for Mother's Day this year.

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That shows his love for me way more than just picking up some red roses at Target on his way home from work.

Lastly, I'm not completely opposed to having fresh flowers in our house, but if I'm going to have them, I want to choose them myself.

Though I still think flowers are a waste of money, having a beautiful vase filled with flowers on occasion does brighten my day, so if I see a great deal at Trader Joe's or the Farmer's Market, I enjoy picking through them and selecting the ones that make me happiest.


I guess what I'm saying is that if we're going to spend money on cut flowers, I want to be the one to fork over the cash.

And I certainly don't want the purchase of flowers to be out of some obligation my husband feels he must fulfill as a man.

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Bryn Palmer is a podcaster and mother of two young children living in Austin, Texas. She shares bits and pieces of her family’s story on her personal blog Her Own Wings, and has a weekly birth story podcast where moms come together to share their birth stories.