Photo: Hean Prinsloo on Unsplash
With great love comes great understanding.
By Kaitlin Kaiser — Written on Jan 26, 2020
The book, Five Love Languages, written by Gary Chapman in 1992 took the world by storm. It taught us a lot about how we give and receive love. The book is specifically talking about romantic relationships. It highlighted the fact that while we don’t always feel loved or appreciated in our relationships, it can be our own misunderstanding of our partner's method of expression, and their misunderstanding of our needs.
The “languages” highlighted in the book are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service. The book suggests that sometimes we don’t always understand our partner's love language, which can leave them feeling unloved and leave us feeling exasperated. We think we are demonstrating how we care for them, but they don’t understand our love language.
This concept has really been a game-changer for a lot of relationships. To understand your partners love language can make you feel more confident in your relationships.
Maybe we can apply this way of thinking into our lives outside of our relationships. The five love languages is a way of deconstructing the concept of empathy. It presents it in a way that makes us all step outside ourselves, and jump into the mind of someone else.
We can get caught up in our own mindsets. We sometimes forget that other people haven’t had our same experiences. They have learned differently and been loved differently and that shapes how they take in information and how they react.
It is important that we remember to step outside ourselves and try to give our loved ones what they need and help them to understand what it is that we need.
1. Understand the love languages when working in customer service.
When dealing with people in customer service we often feel like we're speaking different languages.
Say, for example, your cable bill went up without notice, so you call the customer service line to sort it out. Your love language is getting your cable bill lowered, but the person you're talking to's love language is likely making the call last for as little time as possible. At this moment we need to take a beat to translate the situation.
We need to remember the person we are speaking to didn't raise our cable bill, the company did. They need to realize that if they cannot help you, they need to transfer you along to someone who can.
2. Know how to communicate better with your neighbors.
You're in your apartment trying to sleep. Your upstairs neighbor is walking around and listening to music. You go upstairs and politely ask them to lower the volume so you can get some rest. They respond in anger telling you to mind your own business. Your love language is trying to get some sleep, but your neighbors love language trying to unwind after work.
It is important to understand that perhaps it is not your neighbor you should be angry with. Your neighbor is likely on a different work schedule. You need to remember that just because you have a more orthodox work schedule doesn't mean your neighbors have to adjust their lives for your comfort. Don't blame your neighbors for your thin walls!
3. Co-worker drama gets a whole lot easier when you understand their love language.
Let's say you work in an office. One of your co-workers is constantly doing something that annoys you. Maybe they are constantly leaving their coffee mugs unwashed in the sink, or maybe they lower the thermostat even though everyone else seems to be comfortable with a higher premature. You think you are being polite when you approach them and bring your grievances to their attention, but they get really angry with you!
Your love language is rectifying the situation, but their love language is you are not my boss. You need to keep in mind that you are sweating the small stuff. It is annoying when someone doesn't follow the unwritten rules, but it isn't your job to police them.
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Kaitlin Kaiser is a writer who covers pop culture, astrology, and relationship topics.