My Husband And I Were On The Brink Of Divorce Until We Tried This 5-Minute Coffee Hack As A Last Resort

Keeping up the connection you have with your partner can be difficult, particularly when you add in the pressures of raising kids, working, and maintaining a household. It might feel like your romance is taking a backseat to the other parts of life, which can negatively affect how close you feel as a couple. Yet there are simple steps you can take to keep the flame alive, beginning with how you start your mornings. 

Aston Simmonds and her husband, Adam Simmonds, are relationship coaches who use one small trick to stay connected as a married couple. Aston shared that four years ago, she and Adam were considering getting a divorce. She revealed that “in between working, dinner, baths, and cleaning the house, it felt like there was no time for us to talk and share what was on our minds.”

She also shared that they were on the brink of divorce until they tried a five-minute coffee hack as a last resort

“I started using our morning coffee as an opportunity to deeply connect and communicate,” she continued. “It not only saved our marriage but completely transformed our relationship.”

By spending five minutes focusing on nothing but each other, Aston and Adam create a touchpoint for their relationship throughout the day. As Aston explained, she and Adam come together over coffee every morning and share how they’re feeling as individuals and as part of a couple. 

The husband-and-wife duo has coffee check-ins every morning to ensure they have time for just the two of them

Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash+

“The intention is to listen,” she proclaimed, before diving into the second part of their coffee check-ins: reflection.

The two sip their coffees and share recent positive experiences they’ve had with each other that have strengthened their connection. They also share positive attributes they see in the other person, as a way to make them both feel seen and appreciated — essentially, what we’re all hoping for in our partnerships. 

Aston believes that reflecting on the positive parts of one another centers the celebration of a couple, instead of just focusing on the challenges 

The third part of the coffee date functions to “create a safe space for your partner to express any concerns, worries, or unspoken thoughts," she wrote. "The intention is to hold a space of non-judgment for each other.”

In this step, the two work out the more difficult parts of their relationship, bringing up places where they can grow together. It’s an admittedly tender part of the process, as it’s not easy to hear criticism. Yet framing relationship issues as something to work on in partnership feels like a softer way to air grievances. 

The penultimate step in their morning routine includes exploring their goals, both personal and shared. "It helps you to align your vision for the future and stay connected in pursuing your dreams together," she explained, adding that during this time, they brainstorm ways to support each other in achieving their wants.

The fifth and final part of the coffee check-in is to “decide what actions need to be taken, if any, and allocate or schedule them and come up with solutions together.”

The five-minute coffee check-in is modeled on a loving framework, in which both halves of a couple work together to better their connection. Through listening, reflecting, sharing, and planning, the couple gives their relationship time to breathe, which will only make love stronger.

And don't worry if coffee isn't your drink of choice. "If you’re not a coffee drinker," Aston added, "it works with tea or chai too."

Aston and Adam's approach isn't a new idea, either. Couples therapists have been giving similar advice for years. Psychologist and marriage counselor Jenev Caddell signed off on the Simmons' marriage advice, explaining that "just checking in with each other can bridge some distance. A five-minute check-in turns into a daily habit that can help sustain a relationship for many years." 

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Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers relationships, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.