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Make him come to you.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Written on Jun 16, 2020
One of my exes was notorious for his push-pull issues. If you'd get more aggressive, he'd shy away. If you'd ignore him, he'd immediately run to you like a cat in heat.
Though I actually dumped him because I couldn't put up with the insane amount of push-pull dynamics that plagued our relationship, I did learn something from his crazy antics: guys really can't handle being ignored.
Traditionally, men are the ones who are pursuers. While it's become more common for women to ask out the guys they're into, they still want to feel like they conquered something. They want the thrill of the chase, so to speak.
Unfortunately for the girls who crush on guys, that often means that they want the girl who won't give them the time of day.
So, what's a girl to do?
The thing that works is to be affectionate for a while, then switch things up.
Here's how pulling away can get his attention using two effective tactics.
Tactic #1: The Bait And Bail
Flirt with him a little. Make it known that you're into him. Be readily available for him until he begins to feel comfortable having you around him.
Then, once he begins to get comfortable, stop contacting him. Act as if you've just lost interest, or as if you're now distracted with something other than him. Slowly start to limit the amount of time that you are willing to spend with him.
What ends up happening is that he'll begin to panic. Children panic when something that was readily available to them disappears, even if they didn't like that readily available thing.
Guys aren't much different than kids in this respect. As soon as you pull away, they'll begin to realize they can lose you. As a result, they begin to respect you more.
Of course, if you've been trying to get him to pay attention to you and he only tries when you leave, you might just want to stay gone. The magic of the bait and bail is that you get to choose which route you take, and also make the guy who took you for granted suffer.
Tactic #2: The Non-Committally Committed Trick
If you don't feel like playing sneaky little mind games with guys, this is often a better option. However, you can really only do this when you're starting a new relationship.
It's very simple, really. All you have to do is tell him that you won't be committed or exclusive to him without a title.
Until then, you're going to continue to date around and you will expect a man who's really interested to pursue you to the fullest.
Here's why it works: it takes the power away from guys. They no longer feel like you're someone who will be there no matter what.
When you're no longer a sure thing, they begin to fight twice as hard to keep you. Once again, this is one of those weird psychology quirks people have.
The fact is, people don't appreciate things that are always around them. And that means you have to change that by avoiding making someone your entire world. It sucks, but it's true.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. She writes primarily about lifestyle, food, finance, and relationships. You can follow her Twitter.