20 Unexpected Benefits Of Going To Marriage Counseling

You're trying to save your relationship, but couples counseling can give you so much more.

Couple at odds with each other cottonbro studio | Canva

We tend to put off what can bring us the most relief. Yet, once we start, we often feel so much better.

The same goes for marriage counseling, no matter how many reasons you know are waving bright red flags in front of you.

There are many reasons to seek marriage counseling, but it can be hard to see the signs it's time to go — especially at first. That's normal, don't worry.

Often, we wait until something "bad" happens to seek counseling, but there are many reasons to go to proactive marriage counseling. Before something bad happens to your relationship, consider how marriage counseling or therapy can help your relationship.


RELATED: 5 Tips For How To Find The Right Marriage Counselor For You & Your Partner

20 side benefits of marriage counseling that make your life better 

1. You stop threatening to break up.

If one or both of you have threatened your relationship by suggesting a trial separation, breakup, or divorce, that's a big sign you need couples counseling.

Not only is this a big red flag, but making the threats can damage your relationship over time, and you need the skills provided by counseling to help you change this pattern.

2. You create a marriage based on honesty.

If you’re keeping secrets from your partner or are pretty sure your partner is keeping secrets from you, it's time to seek marriage counseling. This is a sign that your intimacy and trust are starting to crack.


Marriage counseling can help you clear the air between you and start fresh.

3. You can talk about anything and everything like the old days.

If you no longer tell each other everything — even if the things you aren't sharing aren't exactly secrets — then it's time to do a little work to re-establish the bond that makes you want to share everything.



4. You learn to disagree, resolve your problems, and move forward.

If you find that you fight often and never resolve anything, it's time to seek help from a marriage counselor.


Even happy, healthy relationships include fights. The difference between what you do in your relationship and what the healthiest couples do comes down to communication and resolution.

5. You rediscover physical intimacy.

Maybe one or both of you have withdrawn from the romantic, spark-filled aspects of your marriage. No matter the cause, you can return to a place where you're both satisfied.

6. You become a priority in your partner's life.

If one of you would rather be on social media — be it Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, or TikTok — for hours than talk to your spouse, you've got a problem.

Working together, while guided by a trained, neutral professional, helps you face whatever have you separated so you can be best friends once again.


7. You can deal with moving on from infidelity.

If one of you has just admitted to cheating, you've got a rough road ahead of you. Yes, lots of couples can heal from infidelity, but it's never easy and sometimes requires a little outside support.

Even if you break up in the end, marriage counseling can help you heal yourself and separate healthily.

8. You feel heard and understood.

Sometimes, we get into patterns in our communication, and we rarely feel completely heard. If you long to be understood, it might be a good time to reach out for marriage counseling.



9. You remember why you married your spouse in the first place.

If you dread coming home after work, it's a big red flag that something is wrong. You're not going to be happy together every second of every day, but your marriage should feel like home — not like a prison sentence.


10. You find a spark in your relationship again.

Do you feel like you're just roommates or business partners? It doesn't have to be that way.

RELATED: 6 Amazing Couples Therapy Exercises To Try At Home (And Skip The Therapist)

11. You find time for one another again.

If you haven't had a date night in over three months, something is wrong in the relationship. Even if it's just a walk alone together or sitting on the beach, you need that time.

Everyone else's priorities seem to get in the way. A marriage counselor will help you sort through what matters and find a compromise so that date night can become a priority again.

When you no longer put your relationship first, even before the kids, your relationship atrophies. But you can get it back!


12. You can both get back into a "we" mindset.

Do you find yourself thinking of relationship exit strategies?

That's a sign you're no longer in a couple-first mentality. That's an obstacle to your happiness together. But you can return to thinking of "we" over "me". (And that will, in turn, help you be happy again).

13. You stop being so angry.

If you find yourself being angry at your partner much of the time, you probably feel like you will never be able to get over the growing resentment. But you can.

Everyone gets mad. This is totally normal and even healthy. But if one (or both) of you are acting on your angry impulses by shouting, slamming doors, or worse, it's time for immediate support.


Of course, if there is ever abuse, you must get safe first and then talk to a professional. But as for the everyday expressions of anger that scare or intimidate one or both partners, seeking marriage therapy can help take the volume down and help you redirect your anger.

14. You stop being so jealous.

Do you have jealousy in your relationship that never gets resolved? Don't worry, it doesn't have to last forever. But you need to nip that in the bud because jealousy can drive a serious wedge between you.

15. You learn how to support one another.

Feeling like your partner doesn't have your back is incredibly unsettling. But not everyone knows how to be a support system for life — even if they want to.

If you don’t feel emotionally protected by your partner when you’re alone or around others, it's time to ask for advice from an expert.


16. You resolve issues causing fights about money.

Most (maybe all!) couples fight about money at some point, but you need to have a plan for how to handle these conflicts. Money is a touchy subject because having enough is a survival issue. It's worth putting in the time with a marriage counselor to get on the same page about finances.

17. You improve the home life for your children.

Sometimes it feels like you're staying together for the kids and nothing else. That isn't necessarily a bad thing if it's a temporary feeling. But only staying together for the kids is a good sign you need marriage counseling. If you can reconnect romantically, that's great.

If not, you need to have a plan for staying together healthily so you can role model healthy relationships for your kids.


18. You can feel you've done everything before deciding to get a divorce.

If you’re thinking about talking to a divorce lawyer and you're not quite ready to throw in that metaphorical towel yet, marriage counseling is the perfect solution.

Give your relationship the best effort you've got. Get the advice of a professional, and figure out how to proceed. You don't have to be married forever — but you also don't want to give up before you've tried everything.

bride and groom at end of pier at sunset


Photo: Nopparat Nambunyen via Sutterstock

19. You can end things amicably if you do decide to divorce.

Not every marriage is going to last forever. Divorce is never easy, but you can spare yourself a lot of sadness and even trauma by learning how to break up well.

This is particularly important if you have children together. They need to see that their parents have things under control and still respect one another, even while their family goes through these changes.

It can save them from so much suffering when breakups are handled under the caring guidance of a marriage counselor.

20. You can check in and reaffirm your bond when everything is going great.

The other sixteen reasons to try marriage counseling are valid, but you don't need to have any of them! Many healthy, happy couples schedule yearly or even monthly appointments with a couples counselor to make sure they're connecting and on track. And that is an excellent reason for marriage counseling, too.


Trust your gut and talk it over with your partner — especially if you can check off three or more of these statements about you and your relationship.

Don’t wait until it’s too late to consider getting started in marriage counseling.

You owe it to yourself and your partner to get help and repair your relationship so you can have a secure and happy future. Many of the happiest couples who've lasted the longest cite counseling as a significant reason they're still together!

RELATED: How To Convince Your Husband To Go To Couples Counseling

Dr. Lynda Spann is a relationship therapist and coach. For more information, visit her website.