5 Behaviors Highly Intelligent Women Refuse To Tolerate From Any Man, Ever
Sometimes they don't mean to do these things wrong, but you cannot let them slide.
GaudiLab | Canva It's hard to realize a relationship isn’t working, particularly when you want it to succeed. Regardless of whether you're newly dating or in a long-term relationship, if efforts become uneven, with one person putting in more effort than the other, resentment will start to build. To stop this before it starts, intelligent women often refuse to tolerate a few key behaviors.
Being able to see and recognize intolerable behavior is so important. Because no one has the time or energy to waste weeks, months, or years on someone who isn’t going to be there for you. But how do you recognize intolerable behaviors that will ruin a relationship? Whatever you do, don't make the mistake of thinking it's no big deal. You deserve more than mediocre love, trust us.
Here are 5 behaviors highly intelligent women refuse to tolerate from any man:
1. He makes degrading or disrespectful jokes
The best way to make sure your partner respects you is to show them you respect yourself. “Never make self-deprecating jokes,” says long-time attorneys Kala and Angela Spigarelli. Yes, humility can be attractive, but too often, turning yourself into a target signals to your partner that they don’t need to respect you.
Also, there’s no need to specifically show them the best ways to be critical of you. If you find you’re both laughing at you more than anything else in your relationship, you might have a serious problem.
2. He doesn't keep their plans or promises
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Some men aren't fantastic planners, but if your man is constantly inviting you out at the last second, it’s not a great sign. Sure, spontaneous fun stuff happens, but if your partner never wants to plan anything with you, according to the Spigarellis, “he probably wasn’t thinking about you or knows you will drop everything to be available at the drop of a hat when he does get around to thinking about you.”
(Translation: He thinks you have no life.)
Worse, even, is when a man cancels plans or simply doesn't show up. You deserve more respect and should not tolerate this.
3. He trashes his ex
Most people have a terrible ex (or two) in their past, but it’s worth paying attention to how your man talks about his former flames. The Spigarellis point out, “Name-calling, reliving the past, or displaying anger is probably not the sign of a well-adjusted man.”
Try to keep in mind — if you two break up soon, would you be comfortable hearing someone talk about you in this way? Do you ever want to see this side of your man directed at you?
4. He never calls or texts first
fizkes via Shutterstock
This can be an easy one to ignore, but it’s important. Are you always the one who calls him first? Does he only ever call or text you after you’ve initiated contact? It might sound petty, but “who calls whom” does matter. If your man is constantly reacting to you rather than actively seeking out your company, it speaks to an imbalance in the relationship.
The Spigarellis put it plainly, “Would you tell your daughter to call him if she were being ignored? NO. We all know what his not calling means.”
5. He sets off your internal alarms
This is one of the most natural ways to feel a red flag in a relationship, but it can often be the hardest one to pay attention to. If you’re feeling insecure or anxious about your relationship, there’s probably a problem you haven’t acknowledged yet. Your body, your instincts, and your inner voice are all trying to tell you that something is off. And you need to listen to that.
So, don’t fool yourself into thinking that you’re overanalyzing things or that you’re being unreasonable. “You know what it feels like to be treated as a priority, even if it’s been a while," says the Spigarellis. "Hold out for that.”
Every relationship must be a partnership if it is to survive
And you need to treat it as an actual partnership. In business, you would never start a new venture or co-sign a contract with a partner you hadn’t thoroughly vetted first. You would want to know about their risks and liabilities way before you ever tied yourself to them legally.
The same logic should apply to starting a relationship. Before you invest all of your time and mental energy in a guy, check him out online first. Run a background check, see what people are saying about him, and do your homework.
Take it from the Spigarellis: “Set goals. Set boundaries. Don’t be afraid to say no. Talk to friends. Trust your intuition.”
Don’t ignore red flags. You deserve to be in a relationship where both partners are 100% all in. Don’t ever ignore a sign that tells you that you deserve better.
Tom Burns is a husband, a dad, and a veteran of the educational publishing industry. He’s served as a contributing editor for 8BitDad and The Good Men Project, and his writing has been featured on Babble, Brightly, and Mom.me, Time Magazine, Reading Rainbow, The Huffington Post, xoJane, and various other sites.
