The Art Of Letting Go: 2 Ways Strong People Finally Move On From Someone They Really Loved
Moving on isn't about forgetting.
Katsiaryna Endruszkiewicz | Unsplash Letting go is hard. Letting go of someone you really loved is even harder. Sooner or later, every one of us must experience releasing back into the universe the very person who was given to us to love, perhaps more than we’ve ever loved.
Parents, children, romantic partners, and friends, just like the property and circumstances we claim as ours, are on temporary loan to us. Life is a continuous cycle of birth, growth, creation, death, and transformation, which is all the more reason to appreciate what you have in every moment. Sometimes, we must let go of someone because they are toxic to our well-being, even though we love them.
Romantic partners often fit into this category. We may be attracted to them and care deeply about them, but the practical reality of day-to-day life is such that they inhibit our growth and happiness. Harder yet is when the person who hinders our healthy development is a close family member.
Humans need a sense of belonging in order to thrive, and our family provides the first and closest level of human belonging. When we find ourselves in conflict with our need to belong and our need to grow and be happy, it’s no small dilemma. In these cases, the responsibility to choose falls exclusively on us, and in those times, it’s important to get outside support.
Here are 2 ways strong people finally move on from someone they deeply loved:
1. Realize the gift you were given
Similar to the death of a loved one, realize the gift you were given by having them in your life. So many people in this world long for someone to love. You’ve had that experience, which is life’s benevolence at its finest. Focusing on the ending, while understandable, is not gracious and detracts from your good fortune.
Gratitude helps us appreciate what we have instead of always reaching for something new, and it refocuses our attention on what we gained rather than what we lost. One study found that writing about positive aspects of a breakup increased feelings of comfort and optimism for the future.
2. Set them free as an act of pure love
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This is the most essential way to let go of someone you love who needs to separate from you is to embody the highest form of love that exists. To truly love that person is to support them in following their own path. Trying to control them, shelter them, or make them stay with you when they need to leave is not love at all.
If you really love them, you want them to grow and be joyful, even if that means separating from you. If you find yourself in this last category of having to let go of someone who no longer wants or needs you, it is because you have come such a long way in your ability to love, that you are now at the final test. You are prepared, via all of the ways you’ve expressed love to them in the past, and now you are at a finish line of sorts.
Letting go means honoring the love you felt while making room for what's next. Research on post-traumatic growth shows that people who work through painful experiences like heartbreak often emerge with a stronger sense of personal strength and a clearer understanding of what truly matters to them.
The ending of a love story isn't the ending of your story. Sometimes it's the chapter that teaches you the most about who you are and what you're capable of becoming.
To exhibit your fullest capacity to love, you must show release them into the world where they can experience new love, additional levels of growth, and further forms of happiness. Of all the ways you’ve shown them love in the past, letting them go, if that’s what they need, is just one more way.
Heather Hans, LCSW, MBA, is a Public Speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Intuitive Coach, Holistic Healer, and author of The Heart of Self-Love. Dr. Hans has appeared on multiple news stations and has been featured in Forbes, Fast Company, and PopSugar.
