If You Always Stay A Little Detached In Relationships, You End Up With These 7 Advantages
Detaching yourself allows you to let go of the need for control.
Andrej Lišakov | Unsplash Detachment is a scary word for people in relationships. It insinuates that if one partner is detached from the other, it means their relationship is on a downward road. However, it’s just the opposite. In its true essence, detachment means shifting our focus from our partners to ourselves.
It may sound selfish, but it’s a key way to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Until you’re happy from within, you will never be able to maintain a healthy relationship. Detaching from your partner doesn’t mean loving them any less. It just means being independent enough to make peace with how they are and what they do.
Here are seven advantages of staying a little detached in relationships:
1. Less worrying
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When you remain a little detached from your partner, you stop continuously thinking about what they are doing that they shouldn’t be and worrying a lot less about it.
You will, in fact, channel that energy to be able to do the things that make you happy and in turn, being energized to give your relationship more attention and care.
2. More acceptance
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Since detachment will help you worry less, it will also make you more accepting of things you cannot control. Some things will just not change until your partner wants it to change, either for them or for you.
Either way, detaching yourself will make you more accepting of the realities of life. It teaches you that you cannot control people and situations, especially if they don’t involve you. Detachment helps you learn the important lesson of letting go, thereby letting you create space for something better in life.
3. Better focus
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If you stop wasting time dwelling on what could have happened, you will have a lot more time to focus on things that make you happy and excited. The only person you can control is yourself. So, logically, it makes more sense to turn your focus inwards.
This 'loving detachment' allows an individual to maintain a clear sense of self and emotional stability, which prevents distracting intrusions from a partner's moods or problems.
A 2019 study explained that when emotional dependency is reduced, a person is no longer distracted by a constant need for validation, or worry about their partner's every mood.
4. Being able to love more
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Detachment can reduce worry and stress, increasing mental peace and happiness in a person’s life. This, in turn, can translate into a more positive and giving relationship that you will build with your partner.
This healthy detachment shifts love from an attachment-based mindset to one of unconditional love, where individuals appreciate their partners as they are, rather than trying to fulfill an idealized image.
5. Less needy behavior
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Unhealthy attachment can make a person needy and while that may be cute and adorable for a bit, after a while most people will need their individual space.
By being independent and self-reliant, you can use your time wisely and do things that you want for yourself, leaving you ample time for things that make your relationship thrive as well.
Studies suggest that self-compassion supports healthier attachment patterns and relationship functioning. When you can offer yourself care and understanding, you’re less likely to rely solely on a partner to meet your emotional needs.
6. Ability to retain your individuality
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In a new relationship, a couple always wants to be together. They act as if they are stuck to one another at the hip.
However, once the relationship stabilizes, it is crucial to retain your individuality away from your partner. Detachment helps you with that and gives you the satisfaction of being your own person.
In every relationship, two people change to accommodate each other. However, when one person makes all the changes to accommodate the relationship, it only creates resentment, which is never good for any relationship to sustain. Everything needs to be mutual.
7. Being able to focus on the positives
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Attachment forces you to focus on the negatives, whereas detachment helps you look at the positives. It helps you take a step back and see the strengths of your partner rather than continuously try to replay their weaknesses in your mind.
It eliminates expectations you’ve unconsciously created for your partner, thereby appreciating whatever your partner does for you. Life is ever-changing. The time we spend focusing on things that we cannot control is wasted time.
Mastering the art of detachment can help us to have more fulfilling relationships and lives. It is often wrongly termed as a negative emotion, but it really isn’t. Detachment in its real sense is not the absence of love, but instead the ability to take care of yourself amidst someone else’s choices.
Tanzeela Sareea is a freelance writer, and former contributor to Unwritten who focuses on relationships, dating, and love.
