No Matter The Couple, This One Trait Always Shows Up In A Healthy Relationship, According To Research
This is one thing no relationship can do without.
Jorik Kleen | Unsplash Do you often feel devalued by your partner? If you are asked to pen down three important ingredients of a successful relationship, what would you include in it? It would most probably include ‘love’, ‘understanding’, and ‘communication’, or maybe ‘love’, ‘acceptance’, and ‘trust.’ Love will surely top the charts, but how many of you would include ‘respect’ in it? I fear that only a few of you would.
Even when so much of a relationship hinges on respect, we never really focus on its significance to change the entire chemistry of a relationship. Several relationships are spiraling out of control because the partners consistently disrespect each other.
No matter the couple, this one trait always shows up in a healthy relationship, according to research
Doesn’t respect come as an obvious complement in a relationship? We like to believe so. But, no, love is not synonymous with respect.
Love is, “I need you. I want you to be happy.” Respect is, “I look up to you. I value your words and opinions.”
Even though respect seems like an easy task, you will frequently see couples eroding each other, often actively participating in disrespecting each other.
One study explained that challenges arise when these different facets of respect are not consistently maintained, or partners have differing understandings of what constitutes respect. Disrespect has various expressions. It comes in the form of derogatory comments to belittle your partner, like you are having a dinner date with your partner and friends, and suddenly you make a comment on your partner’s behavior, like, “Please ignore his crazy antics!”
Being inconsiderate of their opinions, like saying, “I have decided what to do about my future. Please don’t comment on what you have no idea about.” Questioning their potential, like saying, “Are you sure you can do this? Think again.”
Subtle body language that shows indifference, like rolling your eyes, grimacing at something your partner said that you disagree with, dismissing something your partner said with a sway of your hand, breathing deeply as if you are containing your anger and contempt at your partner. Constantly sticking your face into the phone, even when conversing with your partner. A partner who constantly compliments other people, but is indifferent to all forms of positive qualities their partner has.
Respect involves recognizing and appreciating the qualities and capabilities in our partner, then cherishing and admiring them for that.
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Respect in a relationship is the pedestal you put your partner on because you accept the person as they are. Respect also means being able to look up to, get inspired by, and be encouraged by your partner’s qualities.
Believe it or not, when a person you love so much admires you, lifts you up, and appreciates you for who you are, rather than pulling you down for what you are not, that's when you feel complete.
Half of the attraction works when the other person honors, values, and considers you more than anything else. Even though disrespect doesn’t have any immediate impact on the relationship, other than an argument or two, over time it breeds contempt. Gradually, resentments start growing into grudges, and the intense passion is replaced by a toxic connection.
Once a relationship is sabotaged, it can become difficult to save. You no longer have the trust in your partner that you once had. There is always sheathing anger rising in you every time you face your disrespectful partner. The feelings are no longer those of love and adoration, but they turn into a cycle of finger-pointing and a complaining session. If you don’t want your relationship to materialize into a failure, bring back the fire of romance in your relationship.
How to show respect in your relationship:
1. Follow through on what you say
Are you keeping all the promises you make? Or are they just hanging on as empty words? If you say something, make sure you do it; otherwise, never say it. Nothing screams disrespect louder than putting someone on a high pedestal of expectations and pushing them down from there in the blink of an eye. This means that you don’t value the presence of your partner in your life. Once your partner comes to realize that there is no value attached to him/her, they will start distancing themselves.
2. Put effort into every part of your life
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When your partner understands that you are making an effort in other aspects of your life — professional, familial, and in your friend circle, they start respecting you. Never dodge the execution of a plan, face challenging situations, or take responsibilities under control. These small efforts speak more than anything.
Respect in a relationship is a two-way street. Once you earn that respect from your partner, he/she will also start to respect you.
3. Don’t avoid hard conversations
You can avoid conflicts today, tomorrow, or even for weeks, but the situation won’t get better by itself. If you really want the relationship to work out, sit down for a hard conversation. Remove blockages and walls between you both, and discuss both of your boundaries, insecurities, values, and outlooks towards life. Be patient with each other. Don’t be afraid to fight for both of your needs in the relationship.
A relationship requires you both to make mutual efforts, to be a team to fight negativity, and not to fight with each other. The common enemy is toxicity, which, when fought by you both, can bring mental peace and sunshine. Disrespect for your partner kills his/her sense of self-esteem, his/her autonomy, and drags the relationship towards pain and suffering.
To respect your partner means to treat him/her carefully, tenderly, and considerately. It is not so difficult to appreciate the other person when you genuinely care for their personal growth. Remember, real love is not based on romance or a candlelight dinner. It is based on respect, compromise, care, and trust.
Shreyasi Debnath is a counseling psychologist, mental health writer, and frequent contributor to The Mind's Journal. She holds a Master's Degree in Clinical and Counseling Psychology.
