Woman Sparks A Conversation About Going 'No Contact' With Parents And How Adult Children Shouldn't Be Shamed For It
We all need to do what’s best for our mental health, even if it means cutting out our parents.
TikTok Many adult children are often asked how they could cut out a toxic family member and go "no contact" with them. But for one TikToker, their own personal experience has brought to light such an important issue.
A TikToker is defending her choice to go 'no contact' with her mom.
In a TikTok video posted by Chassity Marchal, she explains that her decision to go ‘no contact’ with her mom was not easy. She tried multiple times to reconcile with her mom, but the patterns of mistreatment continued. Marchal mentioned that she chose herself and her boundaries and would not be ashamed of that.
Marchal started off her video by stating one person told her that “her mom isn’t guaranteed tomorrow,” insinuating that Marchal should continue to talk to her toxic parent.
Marchal made a very clear example of why that notion was ridiculous, discussing how, if she was to post a video telling a tale of mistreatment and abuse from her husband, people in the comments wouldn’t tell her to rectify things with him or try to talk it out.
Her video sparked a much-needed discussion about how adult children who choose to remove toxic parents from their lives shouldn’t be shamed for it.
Many people in the comments agreed with Marchal, stating that it's not a child’s responsibility to fix what their parents have done to them. Some even shared their own stories about cutting off toxic family members.
Another user commented, “I literally have PTSD from my mother, and I'm still told all the time to forgive her. Like no. She can stay away!”
Another commented, “This is me with my oldest bio brother and his wife. I cut them off completely as of Spring 2021 and my peace from it has been LIBERATING.”
TikToker Ollie Quality made a video in response to Marchal's.
“All we have ever asked of them is to stop treating us as if what they’ve done to us has had no impact on us.”
The TikToker added, "We understand that our parents did not have the resources that we have; we understand the trauma that they have gone through. However, that does not excuse the fact that our parents are choosing to believe that their actions of emotional, physical, or spiritual damage do not have an impact on us."
He goes on to share his own experience with his toxic mother who mocked him while he was going through one of the hardest losses in his life. Having a relationship with his mother gave him physical reactions such as panic attacks, shaking, night sweats, and the inability to be present in his relationships with romantic partners. He was pushed to go ‘no contact’ for this reason.
“But that’s your mom, dad, sister, auntie. But who am I? Do I matter in this equation? If I don’t matter to them, then I have to matter to myself.” This quote from Ollie Quality’s video is powerful because it is something that people in abusive relationships often forget.
Whether it's with a parent or other family member, there's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself if they are unwilling to care enough to love and respect what you need.
The decision to go ‘no contact’ with parents isn't easy. This situation occurs in plenty of familial relationships.
After 26 years of abuse, mistreatment, and not caring about her boundaries, I decided to go "no contact" with my mother, after trying many times to get an apology and being met with gaslighting and lies.
I didn’t see any other choice. And this is the unfortunate reality of a lot of adult children. They are deciding to choose themselves and their boundaries first because when a parent is mistreating their child no one says, “But that’s your child, how can you do that to them?” Parents should be held accountable for their actions; their adult children aren’t choosing to do this for no reason.
For the last two years, I haven’t been in contact with my mom. Those two years have been more peaceful, grounding, and healing than years prior. And just like I feel no shame for protecting my peace, nor should anyone else.
Tarah Hickel is a Washington-based writer and frequent contributor to YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news.