The Worst Kind Of Affair A Person Can Possibly Have

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Man taking off his wedding ring to cheat on wife

The scary thing is that it's happening more than we think. Married women get involved with married men. Deeply involved. Entangled, even. And then the man drops off. He stops contacting his mistress, he goes back to his wife and kids. Instead of going back to her own marriage, she wonders what she did wrong.

This situation makes me sick to my stomach when clients come to me for advice. When married couples cheat, not one that I take lightly or enjoy dealing with. My reaction is in my gut: it's wrong and heartbreaking to see two people throw their separate lives away for each other over a fling.

That's all it really is, and you know it. It's a fling. These three reasons are extremely clear to me, but for some reason not clear to the ones hurting themselves and others.

RELATED: 13 Signs A Married Man Is Using You

Here are 3 harsh reasons married-on-married cheating is the worst:

1. You're destroying not just one, but two families

You've been secretly seeing a married man for a while now, maybe even years. Where does your husband fit in this picture? You’ve lied to your husband. You’ve stolen time he could have with someone who loved him. He might have started a family or discovered a new career.

Instead, he's trapped in a loveless relationship with someone who doesn’t respect him enough to tell him the truth. What about your lovers' kids? Did you think about them? Don’t you think this would destroy them? Wouldn’t it hurt them to learn that their father was unfaithful?



RELATED: The Most Surprising Reason People Cheat, According To Research

2. If you're taking pride in your affair, you need to snap out of it

Maybe you think your lover deserves better, that you're better than his own wife could ever be. Maybe you even feel sorry for her.

You can't make your relationship with this married man, or even your own marriage, better if you constantly compare yourself to others. You're using this affair to boost your own ego. People are not your own vanity plates. Stop playing with others' lives.

RELATED: 6 Different Types Of Affairs You Might Be Having Without Knowing It

3. You’re too self-absorbed to see this man doesn't really love you

The man you're cheating with? He does not love you. You can't make him fall in love with you. On a subconscious level, you must know this is true. You compare yourself to his wife because of your own insecurities. You are oblivious.

If he's stopped contacting you, if he's tried to reconnect with his wife, let him do that. This was just an affair, so let it end. 

You need to be honest with your husband. If you don’t love him set him free. You don’t have to be a cheat. You don’t have to be someone’s mistress. You could be single and meeting great guys. Maybe all you want is to be intimate. That’s fine.

But when you lie and cheat, when you don’t live an authentic life you’re hurting yourself, too.

RELATED: 15 Telltale Signs He's Cheating On You, According To Cheaters

David Wygant is a dating coach who spent the past 20 years helping men and women transform their love lives. As a lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post, his advice has been offered across television, newspapers, and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, E! Entertainment Television, and more.