The 2 Types Of Women Fairytales Want Us To Be — And How Both Can Sabotage Relationships

How to know which one you are and what to do next to reclaim your fairy tale.

Cinderella and Belle Africa images, tomazl, Kharchenko_irina7 | Canva

Fairytales are so deeply ingrained in our culture that we may not realize we have been programmed to think and behave like the heroine in the story. Most of the time, we don't even realize it's happening!

While Fairy Tales like Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast seem romantic, they can keep women from living powerful and successful lives.

Both fairytales have affected millions of girls and women for generations. Even today's strong, independent woman may be subconsciously playing out one of these roles.


So, which toxic princess trope are you subtly following? 

RELATED: 6 Ways Big-Hearted Women Misplace Our Empathy — And Suffer For It In The End

Are you a Cinderella or a Belle? How to know for sure & change for the better 

1. Cinderella’s Story: He’s a prince who rescues you.

Who you seek: If you are seeking a handsome alpha Prince.

Who you think you are: If you find your life dissatisfying or miserable.

Life strategy: If you feel like a victim needing to be rescued first by a “Fairy Godmother” and then by a Prince.

How to solve/evolve this: Change your thought pattern; take back your power and find people to help you who won’t take over your life. Think of a Fairy Godmother as a mentor or advisor.


Women no longer need to depend on a man to save or empower them. That was the old way of thinking. Find powerful people who want to help without a huge cost to you.

You’ve heard of “grooming” and “trafficking”; there was a lot of that in the eras of fairytales, so beware of giving away your autonomy and be particularly wary of who you accept as a lover!

Most women have been with at least one man who seemed prince-like until he didn’t. Whether you’ve dated millionaires or ambitious men, you will have seen that “after the ball,” every Cinderella needs to cater to The Prince; it’s a pivot from one messy job to another. A princess may direct the cook and servants instead of scrubbing the floors herself, but is that how you want to spend your life?


We can look at Princess Catherine, Prince William’s wife, and see the unbelievable energy and effort she expends to keep all the plates spinning in her seemingly magical life. We can observe what she has given up, so please ask yourself if the lure of your prince’s version of The Crown Jewels is enough. Please remember the jewels may be magnificent, but if independence is important to you, in how you live and dress, where you vacation, and who you have as friends, and even how many children you have, consider your choice very carefully.

Unless Cinderella’s prince or your prince is one in a million, it’s a hard life, and in various countries, even today, the power of life or death over a princess remains. Have you thought about The Red Queen in Alice in Wonderland, another popular fairytale, when she screamed, “Off with her head!”? If you think as romantically as a Cinderella, would you recognize the potential danger of a mother-in-law who is enormously wealthy and powerful? But the ultimate programming of the Cinderella myth was in India, where widows who were queens and princesses themselves were obliged to engage in the practice of Sati, the ritual immolation of the widows of princes and high-born gentlemen that was only made illegal and a crime in 1987! Yes, the Cinderella myth of “Happily Ever After” can be lethal.



RELATED: What 'Regular' People Can Learn From Celebrity Breakups


2. Beauty and the Beast – He’s an enchanted prince, and your love rescues him.

Who you seek: It’s time to let go of the attraction of tormented men and other fixer-upper people.

Who you think you are: You don’t need to save other people to have self-respect and a life purpose.

Life strategy: First, Belle saves the Beast, and then she leaves to save her father, rushing from one person’s disaster to the next, living on an exhausting hamster wheel.

How to solve/evolve this: In a stable, happy relationship, two partners have skills and can co-create a wonderful long-term relationship, helping one another. When you “teach someone to fish,” you are supporting their independence and your peace.


Whether you believe you need to “kiss a lot of frogs” or feel hopeless that the man you seek even exists, don’t go looking for trouble.

You have Power; you do not need to give it up to save someone else. A man capable of loving you will support you in realizing your dreams, not just his.

Do not believe if you save someone’s life, they will reciprocate or even thank you!

woman holding lights reminiscent of a crown


Photo via Getty

RELATED: 9 Ways to Stop Trying To 'Save' The Lost People You Always Seem To Attract

How to break the Belle/Cinderella paradigms and build the life you deserve 

Whether you practice self-hypnosis, neurolinguistic programming, meditation, affirmations, emotional freedom tapping technique, or all of them, you need to start dreaming a new dream that reflects the Preferred Reality.

What you focus on is Where your attention goes, and your energy flows, which is how we create our future, so be vigilant and practice dreaming your future and taking the appropriate successful action, too.

Consistency: When you do 100% of what works, it leaves no time to do what doesn’t help. Every morning and night, spend 15 minutes dreaming of your dream; I have known four men who have become multi-millionaires and enormously famous by doing that. For some of us, more time every day is required, and it’s worth it!




Proof you need to become the star of your own story

When you compare one “Cinderella”, Elizabeth Taylor, to Marilyn Monroe, you see that Liz divorced the 1st of her seven husbands, who had been violent and ultimately redirected her life to extraordinary public service using her power for good. Her power saved her life, not the power of any man.

Jane Fonda was married to three extraordinarily powerful men, and each cheated on her, which caused her three divorces. She ended her final relationship with another powerful man struggling with a terminal illness that affected his moods and behaviors. For many of us, the message “enough is enough” is a valuable reminder you must put yourself first because of the “oxygen mask’ adage. If you’re a parent or traveling with someone who is disabled, you must put your mask on first on an airplane if there is an oxygen issue in the cabin; you must first survive before you can save someone else!


The next man you meet, who may seem like an Enchanted Prince, is a call to action. Look and listen until you are sure who he is and what he is offering you.

RELATED: 7 Bad Habits That Push Love Away

Susan Allan is a Life Coach whose Evolution Revolution® Trainings offer proven tools to experience joy, and happiness and let go of suffering.