Win Your Ex Back By Giving Him The 6 Things He Actually Wants

You loved, you lost, now you want him back. But you'll have to give him what he wants.

Couple having fun together, the shadow of a heart looms behind them and eludes to a difficult past  DjelicS via Canva

If you are a woman who has been scorned, you may find yourself going one of these three ways: you may prove William Congreve right (Hell indeed has no fury comparable to your thirst for revenge), you may move on and find someone new, or you may ask yourself, "How do I get my ex back?"

If you find yourself opting for the third choice, the answer is simple: you can get your ex back by giving him what he wants.


RELATED: If Your Ex Comes Crawling Back, It's For One These 4 Reasons

Now, this may sound ridiculous — you probably don't know what he wants.

After all, you guys broke up and grew estranged from sharing your innermost thoughts.

Yet, as there are certain things most women want in a relationship, there are also certain things telling us what men want (there's just not a Mel Gibson/Helen Hunt movie based on it). You can help assure you are giving him what he wants by adhering to the following.


Here is how to win your ex back by giving him 6 things he actually wants:

1. Make it clear you aren't waiting around.

If you stay home, refuse to see friends, and abstain from meeting new people, your ex will assume you are waiting around for him (which you probably are). This means he will do whatever he wants because he knows you will be there if and when he decides to return. However, If you are clear you won't wait around, you force him to seriously consider he could lose you forever.

2. Don't act desperate.

For similar reasons as above, acting desperate essentially holds up a sign that says "I'll wait for you, no matter who you sleep with, who you date, how big of a jerk you are, or how long it's been."

This gives your ex a hall pass that can last for the long haul, so don't act desperate. Don't text him ninety-eight times a day, don't play the jealous ex-girlfriend role, and don't drunk dial him. No matter how good of an idea it seems, trust us, it never actually is.

3. Don't think you can change him.

People are who they are for a reason: men, women, the old, and the young. Some of us are set in our ways, others are the way they are because of things that occurred in their past. Some people aren't willing to change their point of view, others are incapable of changing something that is ingrained in their personality.


Whatever the reason people are who they are, and thinking you can change an ex is a sign you shouldn't be with them. A solid relationship is based on loving another person for who they are, not who you want them to be.

RELATED: 6 Telltale Signs It's Not Over Between You And Your Ex

4. Stop arguing with him.

Yes, you screwed up, he screwed up, you were both wrong and you were both right. Arguing about it helps no one, and it definitely doesn't help your bid for reconciliation.

Instead of rehashing the bad times you had together, help him focus on the good. In some ways, a reconciliation is like a sales pitch: you accomplish a sale by selling the good aspects of something and never mentioning the bad.


5. Be flirty, but draw the line.

If your ex is to even consider reconciling with you, they need to know you are interested. This is where flirting comes in. There is a line you must draw with a permanent marker (not with body paint).

If you are throwing yourself at your ex each time you see him, you are practically giving him permission to use you (for sex or an ego boost or whatever), so be flirty but go home alone.

6. Don't tell people you're back together unless you are.

If things are going well between the two of you, it may be hard to resist the urge to sing "My boyfriend's back and we're gonna get married." But before you go Hey-la-day-la-ing, make sure your boyfriend is indeed back.


If he hears second-hand about reconciliation before he has actually reconciled, you are going to piss him off and, ultimately, turn him off.

RELATED: If You Can't Resolve These 5 Issues, Don't Get Back Together

Michael Griswold is a relationship and life coach who uses his expertise to help men and women heal broken hearts and find love again.