Wife Offended That Her Husband Suggests He 'Funds Her Lifestyle' By Paying The Bills So She Can Pursue Her Dream
Is he a "silent investor?" Or just a husband?
Tijana Simic / Shutterstock The division of finances within a household is often a hot-button topic. While one person may make more money and pay more of the bills, unpaid and emotional labor can be hard to define. Full-time childcare is extremely costly, as are housekeepers, but often stay-at-home parents who do all this work for free are undervalued.
Part-time writer, student, and full-time mom shared a similar situation on Reddit. She is hurt and angry after a conversation with her husband regarding her upcoming graphic novel.
Her husband referred to himself as a 'silent investor' because he paid the bulk of the bills while she worked on her novel.
Over a decade in the making, she has fully funded her novel while being a mother for the last four years. She is also currently completing her final semester of graduate school, which she paid for by working a part-time job.
"I paid for the entire thing myself; my husband did not contribute financially, and I did not ask him for any money," she explained.
In a recent conversation, however, her husband referred to himself as a "silent investor" in her graphic novel — something she took great offense to.
"When I asked him what that meant, he mentioned contributing to its completion," she wrote. "I told him that I paid for the entire thing myself and that I never even asked him for money. He said, 'Well, I keep a roof over your head.'"
Though she admitted that her husband does pay the majority of household bills, she felt that his statement belittled her work and implied that her graphic novel was "just a silly pipedream." She told him as much, and he apologized, but her anger didn't go away.
"I do the bulk of the housework and childcare. [Heck], when he forgot to get his mother flowers and a birthday card, I did it," she shared. "I'm really angry that he seems to think he's funding a frivolous lifestyle for me when I've covered two of my own major expenses (graphic novel and grad school) and when I make sure our house is livable, and our toddler is fed and clothed."
Photo: Romanova Anna / Shutterstock
"It feels like he is downplaying all of my hard work and not taking me seriously," she continued before asking Redditors if she should "just let this go" or talk to her husband again.
Most commenters insisted that her husband did, in fact, support her lifestyle.
"You owe your husband an apology," one user suggested. "Yes, he is a silent investor, and yes, he does fund your lifestyle. If he didn't pay the bulk of the bills, you wouldn't have had the money or time to finish school or your novel."
"I think it's completely fair to feel like the joke your husband made was at least a bit belittling to the hard work you've done, and it's fair to express that's the reason you're upset," another commenter wrote. "But your husband did help give you the ability to live the life you're currently living, and it's even more disrespectful to him for you to not acknowledge that."
A relationship doesn't have to be 50/50 to work — but it does require acknowledgment on both parts.
According to dating and relationship writer Andrea Syrtash, "relationships work better when people regularly acknowledge each other."
"The root of many relationship resentments and hurt feelings stem from not feeling heard, valued, or respected," she explained. "Essentially, we feel incomplete or out of balance when we are not properly acknowledged."
A happier and more fulfilling relationship is possible when both partners say thank you and recognize each other's contributions, inside and outside of the home.
In the case of this Reddit couple, the woman must acknowledge that her husband's financial support has given her the ability to work on her novel and finish grad school without worrying about other expenses. However, her husband must also acknowledge that her parenting and housework have given him the ability to earn money without worrying about childcare. Until they do so, resentment will likely fester.
Madison Piering is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team, specializing in human interest and pop culture topics.