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Most of the time, it's really them, not you.
By The Mind's Journal — Last updated on Mar 21, 2023
By Marisa Donnelly
I wish love was perfect.
I wish, when we fell for another person, everything just stayed the way it was in the beginning - simple, easy, effortless.
But, love doesn’t work like that and life doesn’t work like that, either.
Unfortunately, both women and men fall out of love.
They change, they distance, and they realize that there’s something else out there that they want.
So, they walk away.
It’s important to understand that, sometimes, the reason someone falls out of love isn’t about you at all, but about where that person is in life and where his/her head is.
If you’re with or have been with a man who has distanced from you, don’t always take responsibility.
Here are 5 reasons men fall out of love, and why it often has nothing to do with their partners:
1. They’re scared
Men — just like women — get scared sometimes.
Although mainstream culture has frowned upon male emotion for years, feelings are the same for both sexes.
One of the biggest reasons why men fall out of love is simply because they’re scared.
They’re scared of what love means, scared of the responsibility of taking care of someone else’s heart.
Although they might have jumped into the relationship with pure and honest intentions, when it comes down to it, the pressure is frightening.
And so, they balk.
2. They’re simply not ready
Love is a commitment.
It’s choosing someone and then deciding that you’ll devote yourself to that person, prioritize that person, and be with that person, no matter what this crazy life brings.
Sometimes, men fall out of love because they’re not ready - they're not ready to commit, not ready to handle the maturity of a relationship, or not ready to let go of something from the past.
3. They don’t want to settle out of loneliness
Just like women, men come into relationships with attachments and prior baggage.
Sometimes, these are things both sexes can choose to walk away from.
And sometimes, the burden is too heavy.
We think, at the start of a new relationship, that it’s easy to move on from the past.
But, we’re often surprised to find out that we’re still clinging to what was rather than what is.
Sometimes, men fall out of love because they don’t want to settle or because they can’t truly devote themselves to a new connection when they still have feelings for an ex.
4. They’ve foolishly confused relationships with being ‘stuck'
Sometimes, we have this idea that relationships control us, that we’ll become ‘tied down’ or ‘stuck.’
In reality, that’s not the truth at all.
But if someone has that perception, it’s hard to commit to love without it feeling like a life sentence.
If a man feels ‘stuck’ - even if it’s in his head and not a reality - he will probably walk away.
5. They aren’t sure what they want
At the end of the day, sometimes you just don’t know.
You just don’t know if you want to date seriously or keep it casual.
You don’t know if you’re with the right person or a temporary connection.
Sometimes, it’s flakiness and sometimes, it’s ignoring your gut feelings about someone.
And perhaps men fall out of love - not because they’ve stopped loving that person, per se - but because they’ve recognized flightiness in themselves.
Because they don’t know what they really want, they leave, thinking it’ll hurt less to bail now than somewhere down the road.
There is a myriad of reasons, but what’s important to remember is that, sometimes, people (both men and women alike) fall out of love and that doesn’t have anything to do with you.
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Marisa Donnelly is a writer, editor, coach, and creative strategist. She is the host of the Vulnerability Podcast.
This article was originally published at The Mind's Journal. Reprinted with permission from the author.