4 Tiny Ways To Know You're Dating A Mean Person

Is your partner actually just a jerk?

Last updated on Jun 19, 2024

Women tries to know if she is dating a mean person. Prostock-studio | Canva

Everyone is a mixed bag, the kindest person will become irate at times, and the meanest person can be found now and then throwing some change at a homeless person. Dating, that effervescent mix of loneliness, want, desire, and impatience, leads to blurry vision. How do you know when the person who is sharply ordering that second dessert from the slow waitress is mean or just having a bad day? (And please do not blame yourself if during this article you realize, 'Oh snap, I am dating a mean person.' It happens. The mean ones can be wonderfully seductive.)  


Here are 4 tiny ways to know if you're dating a mean person:

1. Ask them

So, the first dates are the opportune time to utilize this first strategy, but if it is your 305th date, it will work just as well. Ask the person directly: Are you a jerk? They will usually answer you honestly without realizing you are taking them seriously.

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2. Watch how they treat someone weaker than themselves

If they are rude, snappy, belligerent when ordering that pastrami sandwich from the local deli to the poor guy wrapping up his 16-hour shift, you know you may be in prick-ville.

@meangirlpod It’s so important to look at how a man treats wait staff! #meangirlpod ♬ original sound - MEAN GIRL POD

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3. Have your friends screen your date

Let’s just say you are a mean person magnet. Before your date, ask him/her if she would mind a quick stop at a bar or for coffee. Have your friends there. They can tell you in about 15-20 minutes, no wait, 3-5 minutes, whether this person is good or simply the Big Bad Wolf in Grandma’s Pajamas.

@meangirlpod It’s so nervewracking at first 😳 #meangirlpod ♬ original sound - MEAN GIRL POD

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4. Get really sick

See how the person reacts. As you are vomiting into the nearest garbage can watch: Is he/she irritated? Kind? Caring? Holding your hair back? Or simply dead inside, i.e. mean.

To all you kind beans, who have managed to recognize yourself amid mean-dom. Please, do not beat yourself up. Grab your raggedy Ann bathrobe, and that pint of Ben and Jerry’s, watch that oldie but goodie on Netflix, and give yourself a break. It is not how many times you fall that matters, it is how many times you get up. In other words, tomorrow is a new day.

RELATED: 10 Signs You're In Love With An Unapologetic Jerk


Zoe Hicks has been a therapist for over a decade. She helps couples return to working in partnership and helps individuals regain equilibrium and gain what is known as post-traumatic growth.