7 Tiny Signs Your Cheating Partner Will Cheat Again
Your cheating partner isn't going to get better.
Dmitiry Ganin | Pexels The betrayal of infidelity from cheaters is, without doubt, among the most painful adult-life emotional experiences you can have that leave you with a broken heart.
There is nothing quite like the pain, fear, and rage you feel when you find out that your supposedly monogamous partner has been cheating on you.
The sense of betrayal you experience from a cheater is just plain overwhelming. The heartbreak may leave you feeling as if you will never be able to trust your partner (or anyone else) ever again.
That said, it’s possible that you still love your significant other and want to stay together, provided they stop cheating and work to mend your relationship.
Your cheating spouse has likely apologized — probably profusely — for hurting you in this way. If so, you know that’s not enough, and it will never be enough.
Your partner will also have to work very hard to rebuild trust in your relationship and learn how to be honest and forthright with you in all matters from here on out. And they will plan to do that, maybe even promise to do that.
Nevertheless, your cheating partner might continue to break your heart with their infidelity in these ways.
Here are 7 tiny signs your cheating partner will cheat again:
1. They continue to cheat
A significant percentage of people who cheat just can’t seem to stop, no matter the consequences. They’re like drug addicts. They keep going even after their infidelity (or part of it, anyway) has been uncovered and their world is crumbling around them.
The good news is that not all cheaters fall into this category. Plenty of cheaters feel deep remorse and amend their behavior, once it’s uncovered, without slipping. But, others either can’t or won’t and this is miserable for the betrayed partner.
2. They continue to lie and keep secrets
After cheaters are caught, their natural tendency is to continue lying, covering up, keeping secrets, and admitting to only partial truths.
Even if they’ve stopped cheating, they continue to deceive on other fronts. For a betrayed partner, this can be every bit as painful and damaging to the relationship as the actual infidelity.
3. They blame anyone but themselves for cheating
Externalizing blame (making the problem someone else’s fault) is one of the tactics cheaters commonly use to rationalize and justify their behavior. This can be incredibly painful for the betrayed partner.
What you want your significant other to do is admit to what happened and take responsibility, but it may be that your partner would much rather blame others (including you) for his or her decision to stray.
4. They apologize and expect/demand immediate forgiveness
Some cheaters apologize and think that should be the end of the discussion. Water under the bridge. And they get frustrated or angry when you don’t see it that way.
They don’t "get" that they’ve destroyed your trust in them in your relationship with their cheating, lying, and secret-keeping and that you’re not going to forgive them until they earn it, proving that they can once again be trusted.
5. Trying to buy forgiveness
One of the most common mistakes cheaters make is attempting to buy their way out of the doghouse with flowers, dinners, trips, jewelry, and, even, intimacy.
If your partner has tried this, you know it doesn’t work. Gifts, no matter how expensive and/or thoughtful, do not undo the trauma wrought by infidelity. They never have and they never will.
6. They use aggression and threats to control you
Sometimes, to get their rightfully angry partners to "lighten up", cheaters will threaten them with divorce, loss of financial support, and the like.
Sometimes, cheaters can temporarily bully their betrayed partners into submission. They don’t seem to understand that when they do this, they drive an emotional wedge into the relationship.
7. They try to calm you down
Has your cheating spouse ever said anything like, "Honey, relax, this isn’t a big deal. You know I love you and I always have. You’re overreacting"?
If so, you know that these attempts to calm you down — even if they’re temporarily successful — can’t and don’t fix the loss of relationship trust caused by the betrayal.
Moreover, these attempts to calm you down are painful, because what your partner is saying is that your anger about the infidelity doesn’t matter.
If your cheating spouse engages in one or more of these behaviors, it may hurt you as much and leave you heartbroken, maybe even more than the infidelity itself.
The good news is that this does not mean your relationship is over or that it’s not salvageable. It simply means your partner has a lot of work to do if they want to restore relationship trust, make things right, and re-establish intimacy.
Dr. Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT has been an educator, author, and licensed clinician for nearly 30 years. He has served as a subject-matter expert for numerous major media outlets, including CNN, NPR, and The New York Times, among others.