12 Subtle Signs The Woman You Love Is Cheating On You — And Why It May Not Be Such A Bad Thing

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woman secretly on phone cheating

What do you do when you suspect that the woman you have been sharing your life with has been cheating on you?

It's painful to think the person you love has hurt you in one of the worst ways imaginable. It might even feel like you're never going to get through this.

Though you might be thinking, "How could I have a healthy relationship with a cheating wife?" I want you to know that it is perfectly possible with a lot of work and patience.

You’re considering letting it all go now that you suspect there are signs of cheating in your relationship. Your trust is gone. You’ve been betrayed by the woman you love, and you don’t know how to save your marriage with your unfaithful spouse.

If your wife really is cheating on you, your marriage will not be the same again after the infidelity ... but that isn’t a bad thing.

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Why do women cheat on the men they love?

The most important thing to understand is that there’s a reason for her actions. If you want this relationship to pull through, you're going to have to work on the underlying problem first. Infidelity is a very nasty consequence of relationship issues.

Many men unknowingly try to take the blame once they discover their wife had an affair while forgetting the relationship is made up of two people. Two partners.

The feeling of “I wasn’t good enough” can be debilitating. Cheating is a huge blow to a person’s ego, but it's of utmost importance that you do not think this is only your fault.

Perhaps the two of you had issues in the relationship and maybe you weren’t doing as much as you could have to improve the situation. But that doesn’t mean adultery is acceptable.

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Infidelity is a choice

Both men and women are guilty of choosing to cheat on a spouse, rather than making the effort needed to rectify issues in their relationship.

Many times, the one who was cheated on takes the blame without even realizing it because they’re trying to relieve the pain. They subconsciously feel if this ordeal is somehow their fault, they can also fix it.

But the cheaters are responsible, too.

Again, just as the blame cannot solely be placed on one person, the effort to remedy the situation can’t be expected from only one partner, either.

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Will it happen again?

You may also be concerned if your wife cheated once that she’ll do it again. But this depends on your spouse and your relationship.

There are some people who just enjoy cheating because of the adrenaline rush or they just love the game. If you feel you’re in a relationship with someone like this, you need to find someone else.

This entire thing feels awful right now, but you’re not alone.

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Marriage in a rut?

Generally speaking, the main reason why women cheat is they want something they aren’t getting at home, either emotionally or physically.

The routine tends to settle into a relationship after two people have been together for a long time. Things become repetitive, monotonous, predictable, and sometimes even a bit boring.

Routines are actually one of the main causes of separations, so it’s exceedingly important to combat this. That said, the fact that the routine happens naturally doesn’t mean you can’t do anything to fight it.

Sometimes a person feels like they need a bit more excitement and physical intimacy, and they stray because they aren’t emotionally satisfied by their partner. They want to feel emotionally close to someone again.

If someone doesn’t feel a deep connection to their partner or that they’re wanted anymore, they may turn to someone else.

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Physical intimacy is vital

The lack of physical or emotional closeness is the most common reason why people cheat, but it is far from the only one.

Perhaps they’re recreating behavior they learned from their parents. Maybe they’re just being selfish. They could just lack the maturity to realize what a serious relationship really means, or they’re feeling insecure, or they’re just not interested in monogamy.

There is always an underlying reason.

If you want to learn how to save your marriage after your wife cheats, you have to work together and find a long-term solution.

Each person is entirely unique, but some behaviors can be dead giveaways — and sometimes they’re a bit more subtle than you think. There are obvious signs, like text messages or if she calls you the wrong name, but what about the little things that make you uneasy and cause you to question her faithfulness?

It’s important not to jump to conclusions, but keep an eye out for the following.

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Here are 12 subtle signs your wife might be cheating on you:

1. She’s acting differently

She's more secretive, defensive, or distant.

2. She keeps her phone out of view

She changed the lock code or goes out of her way to make sure you don’t see it.

3. She says she’s doubtful of being in a serious relationship

She openly questions her commitment.

4. She talks about how horrible cheating is 

She's projecting because she knows what she's doing is potentially hurtful.

5. She suddenly needs more 'me time'

What she really means is "away from you" time.

6. She picks fights for no reason

Sometimes she even comes home later than expected or not at all.

7. She lies about small things

No, she didn't forget to swing by the grocery store on the way home. She was with someone else.

8. She’s taking much better care of herself

She might even have changed her wardrobe to something sexier.

9. She accuses you of cheating

Again with the projection. Cheaters are notoriously paranoid.

10. She’s not invested in the relationship

Where she once engaged in conversation, now she barely says hello.

11. She isn’t interested in being intimate with you

This is not necessarily a sign of infidelity, but it's something to consider if she no longer wants to have sex as much as she once did.

12. She gives you excessive compliments

Is she compensating for her emotional shortcomings or trying to assuage her guilty feelings?

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What does your gut feeling tell you?

Do you really feel she’s being unfaithful? Make sure you’re differentiating between fears and insecurities in the relationship or from your past and something actually happening.

If you really believe your wife is cheating on you and want to know for sure, try a counterintuitive approach. Your first reflex will be to go into attack mode, but try saying something like this instead: “I know that you’re being unfaithful to me, and I want to work through it together.”

Based on her reaction, you’ll know if she really is. A woman who isn’t cheating will do everything to reassure her husband and prove she’s faithful.

The most common reaction people have when they’re confronted about their infidelity is to deny it or give excuses. Sometimes people don’t even realize they’re blaming their partner for their actions.

Some of the most common excuses are accusing you of not being romantic enough, not being intimate enough, or even that she’s just “talking” to someone and hasn’t done anything wrong.

These excuses are just a way for your partner to justify their actions or shift the blame. If this relationship is going to work; however, she has to understand you’ll need to work together.

Once she’s able to tell you the truth, you’ll have to set off to a fresh start.

RELATED: The 4 Real Reasons A Partner Cheats On The Person They Love

Change is inevitable — don't fear it

Your relationship will inevitably change, but don’t let that scare you. It’s not the end of the world! Some of the most solid relationships have gone through affairs and come out stronger than ever.

Sometimes, when a relationship is threatened, the couple realizes how much they want to fight for it.

You might realize everything you’re both willing to do in order to not lose each other. When this happens, something beautiful occurs. Your bond is renewed and strengthened.

You’re going to have to start working on re-attracting one another and rekindling the flame in the relationship.

The best way to do this is to begin making new memories together. Bringing freshness into the relationship will help you both to move on from this painful period, but this wound isn’t going to heal overnight. It will take patience, perseverance, and time.

Focus on trying out new things in the bedroom, discovering new places together, having new experiences, and trying out new classes.

Trust is going to be severely damaged in the relationship, so you’re both going to have to be patient. She’s going to have to work to prove to you that she’s serious about making this work, and you have to rebuild your trust in her.

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How to know if there's a way back

In the beginning, you’ll need to take some time to gather your thoughts, heal, and figure out what you want to do.

If you do in fact choose to remain together, you’re also going to have to remain open to let her redeem herself. If you truly want to bounce back, you have to be open to moving on. Holding a grudge will not benefit you, and you do not want to be held prisoner in this ordeal.

Couples therapy and seeking out solid marriage advice is always a good option, especially when you're working on putting the pieces back together.

Everything is possible in love as long as you are willing to work for it.

RELATED: Esther Perel Explains Why People In Legitimately Good Relationships Cheat — And Why It's Time To Stop Condemning Affairs

Alex Cormont is an expert in dating and relationships, founder of French Relationship Expert, and author who works with women to guide them to find the right man and have the relationship they've always dreamed of.

This article was originally published at French Relationship Expert . Reprinted with permission from the author.